Always and Forever?(Carter Mahone)

Chapter 5 Lost in confusion...

Fuck. What have I done... I'm such a stupid bitch. Ugh.

I walk away from my thoughts and dizzily trudge my way to the kitchen. I see Carter staring out the window at the beach. Sigh.. All I ever do is cause him stress and frustration. Why don't I just die..?

"Because you don't deserve to die yet. That's why, Lilly." He sternly speaks and sighs, turning to me.

"I.. Uhm.." I try to speak but fuck. Cat got my tongue.

"Lilly.. I don't want you to die. Okay? Okay. Go to bed. Ill take the couch babe." He speaks softer and looks back out the window.

I sigh and walk back to the couch, laying down and pulling the blanket over me. I'm such a worthless bitch.. A stupid whore. A useless ugly hoe. Nobody would care if I died. Nobody.

I hear him walk into the room and sigh. "Lilly.. Really?" I just nod and he kneels next to my face. "Are you coming to bed?" I shake my head and he groans, running his hands through his curly hair. "Fine. Move over then."

I do as told and he crawls up behind me, his muscular tatted Arms wrapping me in a tight embrace. I feel myself start to drift off to sleep. I wonder if he actually loves me.. Or if he's just using me. I soon let sleep overtake me.

*********NEXT MORNING*******

I wake up to the sun slowly starting to rise. Damn. What time is it.

I reach over and grab my phone and read the clock 6:27 am. Ughhhhh.

I try to pry myself out of Carter's arms but his grip tightens. "Baby go to sleep.." He murmurs softly.

I giggle but then soon frown about what happened last night. Sigh.

"Stop." He simply says. I know what he means.

"Stop what...?" I say acting dumbfounded.

"Stop fucking thinking about it. I can tell its bothering you. And it's bothering me. So stop, babe." He says kissing my neck.

"Sorry.." I whisper and he releases his grip on me and I stand up, stretching. My elbows and knees pop and carter chuckles as I groan. "Shut up!" I giggle out.

"Damn sexy. Fiesty." He winks and chuckles. I just stare at him and then shake my head, walking into the bedroom.

I hear him groan and walk after me.

Oh fun. This oughta be good.

He leans against the doorway and stares at me "what, carter?"

He sighs and walks to me. "You're not worthless. You aren't ugly. Damn.. Baby you're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen. Inside and out. I love your personality. You can calm me down before I hit someone. Or easily make me forget something.."

I blush and he kisses my cheek softly "don't get used to this. Carter mahone isn't a goody two shoes." He chuckles and I lay my head on his shoulder.

"Yeah I know.." I trail off and think about it all... "But every girl wants a bad boy who will be good just for her..." He lays his head right on top of mine

"And every guy wants a good girl who will be bad just for him... Can you do that for me baby?"

I look up at him and nod "mhm. Because I'm a fucking tiger" I smirk and pose. He laughs loudly and legit falls down laughing.

Dipshit.

Ik ik I'm funny. Thank you.

"Ba-babe! You a-are a te-teddy b-bear!!" He rolls around laughing and I jump on top of him.

"Oh yeah?" I raise my brow and smirk

"Yeah..." He stares at me and I grind on his crotch. "Bitch.. Don't."

I narrow my eyes "don't call me a bitch." I grind harder and he tenses up, "or else.."

He looks into my eyes and lets his head fall back "I'm sorry.. Please stop d-doing th-that. Fuck..." He mumbles the last part under his breath. I giggle and he glares at me. I get off and run outside and down to the beach. I can hear him not to far behind me when I start to get tired. I finally get tackled by a Carter and we both laugh. He stares at me smiling, "you're so gorgeous when you smile and giggle.."

Wow. Did THE Carter Mahone just say that? Woah bruh. Wus up here.

"Thanks... Uhm can we go back inside? It's kinda chilly.. Hah..." I let out a nervous laugh, expecting him to be all mad or hit me. But nope.

"Sure thing babe. C'mon.." He pulls me up into his arms and walks inside. "You're changing me. Like really changing me. I used to be such a jackass. Now I'm actually caring... What the hell are you doing to me Lilly?"

"I....I dunno.... S-sorry...." I mumble out and he looks at me confused and grabs my chin.. But then his expression turns to anger

"Don't fucking try to change me. Bitch." He slaps me across the face and I yelp, grabbing my cheek.

He immediately softens his expression and reaches up, causing me to flinch. But he doesn't hit me. "I'm.. I'm sorry.. I-I won't hurt y-you.." I shake my head and back away, running into the bathroom. I lock the door and slide down against it, bringing my knees to my chest and burying my face into them. I let the tears fall and my sobs out.

I glance over and see a razor. I used to do this all the time.. But I quit a few months after Luke... I miss the feeling...

I crawl over to the shiny metal and pick it up, taking it apart. I throw the plastic in the trash and take the metal in my fingers..

Here goes nothing...

1. For being ugly

2. for being worthless

3. For being stupid

4. For making him mad

5. Not being good enough for carter.

I look as the blood slowly bubbles up and drips down my arm. I feel dizzy and pass out.

I hear a Big Bang and look around, my vision all blurry. I hear gasp and look at the figure and then look at my arm, blood in a small puddle on the floor. "Baby... Why... No no no no..!! Dammit c'mon babe I'm taking you to a hospital.." I groan and start to cry

"No.. N-no!! L-let me go!!! I deserve to die!!!" He stops dead in his tracks and looks down at me.

"What the fucks wrong with you?"

His words echo throughout my head

What the fucks wrong with you?

I don't know, Carter. I'm sorry......

🌸🔫🌸🔫🌸🔫🌸🔫🌸🔫🌸🔫

SOOOO SORRY I DIDN'T POST SOON I'VE BEEN BUSY AS HELL BUT YEAH I LOVE YOU GUYS. MMKAY. YEAH. MORE DRAMA COMIN UP. OH DAMN. What'll happen? Will he let Lilly kill herself? or will he let her in and protect her.