Hot and Cold

Thirty-three

Learn to know when to let go, and learn to know when to look back.

I sighed as I read again the line on the book that I'm reading. Niyakap ko ang sarili ko ng maramdaman ko ang pag ihip ng malakas na hangin. Madilim ang kalangitan na para bang nagbabadya itong umulan kahit anong oras.

I decided to stop fooling myself and closed the book. Kanina ko pa pinipilit na aliwin ang sarili ko pero diko magawa-gawa. Hindi maalis sa isip ko ang eksena namin kahapon ni Fiero. The way he looked at me, and the way I saw a tear fell from his eyes. I felt a thousand needles pierce through my heart as I look at him and not able to do anything.

"Do you really hate me that much?"

I remembered how pain crossed his eyes as he whispered something in the air, but I heard it loud and clear. Natameme ako, I didn't know what to say so I decided to look away, avoiding his sad eyes. Di ako sumagot, hinayaan ko lang na mas kaming mabalot ng nakakabingung katahimikan. Nakatayo kaming dalawa sa gilid ng kalsada, sa mataong lugar, sa maingay na paligid. But it felt like we're the only person who exist at that moment.

Di ako sumagot hanggang sa may tumigil na taxi sa harapan namin. I took a deep breath as I entered the cab without answering his silent question. Gusto ko sanang wag ng lumingon pa sa kinaruroonan nya but then again I failed, I looked at him one last time and my tear fell unknowingly when I saw him smile at me. Its a sad smile, the saddest smile I've seen on his lips.

I should be celebrating right? I managed to stop myself from falling on his trap. I should be happy to see him suffering, but why am I feeling the opposite? I know I shouldn't be minding him dahil pinili kong wag ng maniwala sa mga kasinungalingan nya, I know I should stop myself from letting him invade my thoughts again. Pero bakit ba ako nasasaktan kahit pa alam kong di na dapat? Am I just fooling myself here? Tama pa ba tong ginagawa ko?

What now Ayumi?

I was lost in my thoughts that I didn't notice my phone ringing. Nabigla na lamang ako ng maramdaman ko ang vibration nito. I answered the call without looking who the caller was.

"Hello?" I answered.

There's a long silence on the other line kaya akala ko ay nangti-trip lang yung tumawag. Papatayin ko na sana ito ng marinig ko ang isang pamilyar na boses sa kabilang linya.

"Boss..."

I don't need to look who the caller was dahil sa boses pa lang nya ay alam ko na kung sino. And he's the only person na tumatawag sa akin ng ganyan.

"Seth? Napatawag ka?"

Another long silence was heard kaya kumunot ang noo ko. Nangti-trip ba tong lalaking to?

"Oy? Okay ka lang ba?"

"I'm fine" He stated with a chuckle.

Medyo lumuwag naman ang pakiramdam ko, akala ko kung napano na eh.

"What's up? Napatawag ka?"

"Ahm, busy ka ba? Do you want to grab a bite or something?"

Di ko alam kung anong pumasok sa isip ng lalaking to at bigla nalang nag ayang kumain. I looked at the clock to see what time is it, its 10:35 in the evening. At ngayon ko lang na realize na nagugutom na pala ako kahit kumain ng hapunan.

"Yeah sure! Tell me where"

"I'll fetch you. I'll be there in 10 minutes"