~{Our Gay Ships}~

{NAMJIN}~Save Me

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I was sitting down in the studio...I miss him...I missed Jin......but.....I can never have him...

JHope got to him before me....it's been two years...two years I've regretted not telling him..two years...I sometimes wish.....wish I never loved him....

Why? You ask....because..I wouldn't have to go through this pain...I lift my long sleeve shirt...cuts all over my wrists..new and old...this..this is how I get rid of my pain...and funny really...it actually helps!

How? It makes me forget..it lets me focus on my wrist..how the blade is so sharp..how it scars my wrist...but lately..I've been feeling nothing....I've spent every single day trying to write lyrics but...I feel nothing...my emotions is what pushes me to continue writing...I can no longer do it

My emotions..my feelings...they've disappeared...my members ask me if I'm alright..I give them the best smile I can do 'I'm good' I reply to them...but deep inside....I'm not...I'm not okay...

But I don't want your help!! You don't understand me...none of you do.....

  *******||~~few hours later~~||*******

I'm at the dorm....

"Yah!!! Suga!! Come help me with dinner!!" I hear Jin's voice...I wanted to tell him...but I can't...my mind doesn't care..and my heart..it gave up...

"Ugh!! No ones gonna help me!!!...Namjoon!!! Can you help!!" (Jin's head: I'm desperate okay!!)

"NAMJOON!!" Jin's voice was loud waking me back into reality

"Y-Yes!" I reply...

*******||~~few minutes later~~||*******

"Careful! Don't hold knives!! You forbidden to hold it!!" He says

Does the blade count...

"What's happening to you...you would love helping me...now...you don't seem to care"

I didn't answer him...instead..I watch as he cuts the onions...my eyes begin tearing up...Ughhh Onions!!!!

"Are you okay...wash it with water!! It helps!!" Jin takes a hold of my hand walking me to the sink...I wash my face..

"Are you okay" he asks...I nod....I'm pretending I'm fine...

Namjoon has been acting weird...I take a good look at him...memories of us together came rushing back.....i didn't realise I was smiling....I was happy....I was happy then with Namjoon....

"I need to go" RM replies...

"Wait!" I took a hold of his hand...I noticed the scars

"Namjoon!!! What's that!!!!" I ask

He pulls his hand away and runs off....there scars..has...has he been hurting himself!!??

"NAMJOON!!!" I yell and chase after him...

I walk up to his bedroom...his sitting down on his bed...

"WHY!! WHY WOULD YOU DO IT!!!" I yell tearing up...

Jin begins to cry....I then feel something...my heart...it..it hurts....

I cry as well...

"I-I don't know!? I don't remember why I did it!" I reply

Right there...all my emotions came rushing to me...I felt pain..sadness...happiness...I felt loved...I realised there all the feelings I felt when I was loved my Jin..when I hanged out with him....when I left him....when he left me...when I gave up on our love...when I was too late....

"D-Don't cry!" Jin walks up sitting besides me

"I-i feel everything...Hyung...make it stop!! Make it stop please!!!"

He just hugged me....his scent...strawberries...it sunk deep into me...I felt safe.....

"I don't know the reason as to why you would do that to yourself-

I cut him off

"It's because of Hosek....h-he took you away from me!" I reply

"H-he what!?"

"I-I love you Hyung!! I love you!!!"

He stopped.....he pulled back....

"Y-you love me!" He asks

I nod..but this time..for real...

"I let you be..." I hear a voice

We both turn our heads to see Hosek...he leans on the door

"I belong to Army...Hyung....I'm ending our relationship...NAMJIN FOR LIFE!!!" He yells walking out...

"Wait Waaaa!!!"

I turn Jin to face me....I kissed him...

"Be with me!!" I ask

He smiles....

"NamJin for life!" He replies....

We had a make out session when

"JIN!!! GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE!!! THE FOOD IS BURNT!!!" We here Sugas voice

"Oh sh- I mean-UGH!! SHIT!!!!!" He calls out and runs off...

I laugh.....

And ever since that day...I've never touched any blade in my entire life...

  *******||~~years later~~||*******

...well I need to cut these papers...I grab the scissors..

"HYUNG NAMJOON IS HOLDING SCISSORS!!! Kookie calls out

"WHAT!!!" Jin comes taking them away...

"But-" I was stopped

"NO BUTS!!! NO SCISSORS!!!"

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Heheheh NamJin for Life!!

Love you~