It all started the day that he released his iMessage to the world.
I was sitting at home, being secluded from my family in my dimly lit bedroom, admiring the posters on my wall that I had just rearranged.
Recently I had fallen in love with Liam Martin, a boy who lived farther away than I would have liked, and was the funniest human alive to me.
His Mom (or Mum as he said, which was adorable) took pictures of him while he wore these ridiculous costumes that he would make himself, and it was all to look like celebrities.
People would laugh and people would comment things like "LOL" or "HAHA LIAM", but I really felt like I was in love, like anybody who you could meet at school, and develop a crush on, I had a crush on Liam. A boy who lived a world away.
The thing about the posters that I had put on my wall though, is that they were all of him. The recent crush had turned into my life. I took down everything in my room and printed out probably fifty pictures of his face to put up and cover every inch of a wall that I had claimed mine.
I sat on my bed, phone in hand, staring at each and every one of them, close to tears since I knew Id never meet him, and that he would never fall in love with a girl devoted to the internet,
And then my phone started to buzz.
It made me jump in all honesty, I didn't know it was on vibrate.
I looked down, thinking it must have been a friend texting, but no, Liam had just gave out his iMessage to Twitter.
My eyes widened, and I screenshotted the address.
I quickly attempted to unlock my phone, but as my fingers shook violently along with the rest my body, it took two tries.
I clicked on iMessage and typed in the address, missing a few letters and having to go back fix it.
What would I say? Would he even respond to me?
I decided to be honest.
"Hey, Im Emily. Im not special. I have scars all the way up my arms and I feel overweight and Im not beautiful and Im usually depressed and sad but when I look at you it all goes away, you're eyes make me stop to stare, and your smile makes me smile bigger than ever, and I always tag you in photos on Instagram but you never like them even if you're online and that makes me really upset, but I know you're out there and that makes me really happy and makes up for it, and I talk too much, and I love you."
A tear slipped down my cheek as I wrote, and I remember thinking about how pathetic I was. I was writing to Liam Martin, who probably got a million texts from other girls saying they loved him, and that they wanted to marry him, among other things.. I knew he wouldn't respond.
I texted friends about seeing a movie, and they told me to meet them at the theatre.
Mom drove, I was still only 15, half a year till I could get my driver's license.
I checked my phone one more time before walking into the theatre and turning off the sound so I wouldn't disrupt the movie.
I can't remember the movie in all honesty, but I know I sat there and watched the screen, yes, but I didn't know what was going on, I didn't care about what was going on, I just wanted so much to check my phone and see a text from him on the lock screen, which had a background of his face. I was obsessed.
I got up from my seat, I couldn't handle this anymore.
"Where are you going? This is a good part!"
"Bathroom, I swear, Ill be right back."
I nearly ran through the aisle of seats and down the stairs on the side to reach the exit sign.
I finally got through, and the lighting on the ceiling stung my eyes as I ran out of the pitch black screen room.
Down this hallway, down that hallway, turn here, turn there, bathroom.
I could see it.
I realized how hard I was breathing, and I started to walk, breathing in slowly, slowly, in, out, in..
I sat on the bench outside the bathroom, and clicked the button at the bottom of my phone, and got ready to cry, because I would cry if he did, and I would cry if he didn't.
And oh, did I cry.
"Emily, I love you more."
I remember that, I remember the tears, and then,
I remember black.
