Depressed for Love (Lesbian story)

The Diagnosis

I was sitting at the doctor's office. My legs were bouncing and my heart pounding against my chest.

'Come on Brie, relax. I'm sure you're not really that sick.'

I struggled to keep myself composed as I waited for my doctor to return with my results.

Ever since my last breakup, I've felt pretty crappy. I thought that she would be my one and only forever, but she had other plans with other people. You'd think that someone who you've known for so long would never lie to you.. But whatever.

Sports used to be my life, basketball ecspecially. I am my team's captain and I'm only a junior. I should be thrilled right? And then there is volleyball, and I'm on the starting varsity rotation. Then on track, I'm the 3rd best thrower in the parish. Even with people telling me how lucky I am, I sure don't feel it.

Being a lesbian in a family who is unsupportive makes it all so much harder. They pretend that part of me doesn't exist, and It's as if I can see ghosts that they can't. They don't even try to understand it. I'm terrified of their silence on the subject, and am so paranoid that there may be one day that I don't wake up because their spite encouraged my murder. Any time I bring it up, they just tell me to shutup because they don't want to hear about it, and I know that they don't love me the way they used to, no matter what they do or say..

I hate falling asleep, but I also hate waking up to get up and go somewhere, ecspecially if it's before 9 o'clock. The worst part about that is getting up at six a.m. to go to school. It's full of idiots, rednecks, wierdos, bitches, asshole jocks and emos; none of which I fit in with. They all have their own dumb priorities which all ultimately lead to failure in life. Drugs, alcohol, gossip, pro-death, you name it, they have it. I want to have success, but I also like being lazy and at home.

My appetite exists about as much as a unicorn does. The only thing that keeps me from just letting go and quitting trying is that I'm always forced to throw myself into practice, and I'm not fond of the idea of passing out. It's rare if I put enough food to fill my stomach half way all day. I feel no hunger, and no motivation..

I often wonder if running away would be a good way to help relax. I have one friend who would go with me anywhere. She's actually my first ex girlfriend, Alexis. We were always better off as friends. She said she wants to run away too. I have a car and a way to get money. The only thing that keeps me from leaving? Coach Thorn. Ever since I was a freshman, she's pushed me to never back down, that I am strong and I can overcome anyone and anything. She's been more of a mother to me than my own mother. So much more inspiring and loving. I don't think I could leave her behind, or leave her disappointed..

I hear a knock on the door of my examination room, and look up to see my doctor walk in. She smiles and releases a deep sigh. "Well miss Brieanna", she began. "I have your test results".

I thought, 'Finally! Now hopefully I'll know what's wrong with me'. "Okay doc, what kinda medicine do I have to take this time", I said laughing. She wasn't laughing. My heart sank as I saw her sympathy for me in her eyes. "Doc what is it? What's wrong with me?"

"Well, it's definetly no illness that can be cured with jst a shot or an antibiotic."

"Then what will cure it"?

She hands me my results with a sad shaking hand. I tear through them and read in misbeleif. I feel my face blanch as I listen to her diagnosis.

"Counseling hopefully will be all you need, because Brieanna, you have depression."