On tour, with love

Pt 4, Ricky's POV.

Devin was quiet today; he was always quiet, but today was a different quiet. Usually he's just quiet because he's a quiet person...but today, it was a sad silence. I didn't like it.

'Dude?'

We were alone in the bus together, the guys had all gone out for food. They'd be back in about half an hour or something. Devin didn't want to go. I stayed with him, he's been like this all day; I wanted to talk to him.

'Yeah?' He sounded dead. I looked at his eyes; he looked dead. Faded. Dull.

'What's up, man?' I was worried about him. It was happening again; he was depressed.

'What do you mean? I'm fine, man. Couldn't be better!' he was pretending cheerfulness. Damn, he was a good actor. Not good enough to fool me, though.

'You're missing Kylie again, aren't you?' I hoped that was it. If it wasn't, then I'd be even more concerned. At least with Kylie we could skype her and it'd be fine again.

'Nah,' he replied after a moments silence. 'We talked this morning on the phone. We're good'

Fuck. It wasn't about Kylie. I had no idea what to say or do in any other situation.

'Devin, you've barely said a word all day. Just tell me what's bothering you. Let me help' I felt somehow responsible...he hated secrets. And I was making him keep a big one. Well, two big ones, technically speaking. I kind of hoped that was the reason. I would gladly come out if it stopped him feeling like that.

He sighed. A good sign, I thought. He's gonna tell me.

'Do you ever just feel...like everything we do, is pointless? No matter what, no matter how hard we try, death is inevitable and we'll be forgotten, most likely before we're even fucking dead?'

Wow, I thought. That was some depressingly deep shit. I made a mental reminder to keep a close eye on him while I could; the tour was almost over.

I must've been silent longer than I'd intended, because he got up and started making a coffee. he asked if I wanted any. I said yes.

I reminisced back to a time when my mind was clouded with thoughts like that. Clouded with thoughts like demons that pounced in the night. Their words razor sharp and sure to leave their mark. Without quite meaning to, I crossed my legs on the couch and looked at my ankles without making it obvious. I admired-no, resented- the marks they'd left. The constant reminders that would stick with me until death. I looked at my wrist without causing anything of interest to catch Devin's attention. I saw even more of their marks. They proved how pathetic I was. But they also proved how much I'd evolved as a person, how Id overcome that dark stage of my life. I heard the guys talking loudly outside the bus. I was the only one who knew of my...past, so to speak. They didn't need to know. No one did. Devin sat next to me on the couch again.

Chris was first to walk in, and my god, he was beautiful. He stood there, godlike in every way. His shoulder length raven black hair, his smile more gorgeous than anyone's I'd ever seen, his tall body frame. He was beautiful, a true work of art. I was sure I was in love. I looked at his eyes; they were beautiful, soft hazel. That douche, I thought. Why'd he have to be so fucking attractive?!

I felt Devin shove me with his foot to stop my staring. I looked at him. He was smiling, slightly. Good. It wasn't fake.

I pulled tongues at him and he gave me the finger back.

'Richard! Dearest!' Oh great, I thought. Now Ryan's calling me Richard, too. 'Get your butts out the way, we have been out in the blaring sun, walking until our ankles snapped, we had to positively drag ourselves back here! I think we deserve the couch.'

'Over dramatic as always, Ryan.'

'Is there any other way, Richard?'

Me and Devin chuckled and moved up the sofa to make room for them. It wasn't even that hot today; clouds were blocking the sun. We made sure to trip Ryan as he walked towards the couch.

A few hours later, me, Chris and Devin had all gone to bed. I told Chris that he wasn't to tell me what he dreamed about in the morning. He promised he'd inform me in great detail.

They'd both fallen asleep, but I stayed awake an imagined what it'd be like if me and Chris got together. I suddenly realised what I was doing and started thinking about hockey (manly sport), when I heard soft sobs coming from somewhere underneath me. I thought it was Devin; he had a habit for crying at night, not often, but still too often for my liking. I peered over the edge of my bunk, expecting to see him all hunched over and teary eyed, but he was asleep. Taken aback, I looked across to Chris. His lanky body was curled up into a little ball.

'Hey, Chris?'

I heard him stop suddenly. He pretended to be asleep.

I climbed down from my bunk, careful not to wake Devin, and patted his shoulder.

'Dude, what's wrong?'

He sniffed and carried on crying, but still didn't tell me.

'Dude! just fucking tell me!'

He slowly turned to face me.

'It's-'

The bus suddenly went completely black. I couldn't see a thing. I'd blacked out again.