TRIGGER WARNING! PLEASE DONT READ IF YOU GET TRIGGERED EASILY
As expected, when Yoongi got out of his little stage of mind, he avoided everyone. Especially Namjoon, Seokjin and Hoseok. Plus, it's been a month since he let his little side take over his body and mind, letting himself relax.
The schedule was busier, since they released Fake Love, going around to concerts, repeating interviews with the same questions like the last one, endless amounts of practices. Yoongi was exhausted. He wasn't confident in his dancing, vocal skills, looks, performances, ... He just wasn't good enough. He wasn't as fluent as Jiminie, as powerful as Namjoon, as confident and Seokjin, as beautiful as Taehyung, as dedicated as Hoseok, as everything as Jungkook. He felt useless for the group. He couldn't write any positive lyrics. He couldn't think of any catchy tones. He couldn't even run and not look like an idiot (A/N: no you are the most beautiful person on the entire planet I'm so sorry I love you).
Days passed and he felt worse and worse. His anxiety was always there, judging his every move. His depression screaming at him for being a waste of space, telling him to just ware the razor and end it. He couldn't. It told him that he was a coward. Instead, he was painting with red on his inner thighs, cleaning the red water out of the bathtub, sitting there until the thick red paint dried and he felt numb.
He cried himself to sleep every night so his body could rest... Or pass out of exhaustion. Other times, when he couldn't do either of those, he just laid in the cold bed, voices screaming at him. He agreed.
The one thing that worked out in his favour was his weight. He couldn't eat. So he lost a lot of his weight. Sometimes he found his dinner in plastic wrap and a pink sticky note on it with a glittery pen ink. Seokjin. He missed him.
He missed all of them, but he misses his hyung the most. That squeaky laugh, the warm hugs, the delicious food, the calming nature. He wanted to go back in time. But he couldn't.
One day, he couldn't get out of bed. His depression not helping, his anxiety making his chest tight. The hunger making his stomach hurt. His bones felt fragile, his everywhere.
They let him skip the dance practice.
They left him.
They are sick of him.
They didn't left him.
They were always there for him.
He left them.
He broke their hearts.
The razor was sharp, painting his thighs in red, bath being filled with blood and water. He wanted to end it. His little (naive and blind) side always tried to take over, tried to reach out to Namjoon when he was talking to him through the door, as he was trying to coax Yoongi out of his room. It didn't work.
"-"
One deep cut to end this session. It was the deepest one he made.
He didn't want to clean. He wanted to sleep. So he did.
"-"
Namjoon got to the dorm first. He wanted to make sure his hyung was fine. He heard water running. The hallway to the bathroom was filled with anxiety. He didn't like it at all.
There was water going through the crack at the bottom of the door. Pinkish water.
Realizing what was happening, Namjoon tried to open the door by the door knob. Fortunately, it's open.
Unfortunately, the sight is what matters.
Yoongi's face was barely above the pinkish water, even more coming from the tap, making it overflow. He unplugged the plug and stopped the water. His arm made it's way to Yoongi's neck, trying desperately to find the weakening, but still there, pulse. After finding it, he quickly lifted his hyung up from the tub, noticing how cold his body was, and the blue lips.
Namjoon kicked his and Jimin's room open and gently laid Yoongi on Jimin's bed, quickly got the first aid kit and patched Yoongi up.
Walking over to Jimin's closet, he borrowed his boxers, he pulled them over Yoongi's patched up, boney thighs carefully, he went to Jungkook's and Jin's room, taking Jungkook's warm sweatpants and one of Seokjin's oversized hoodies. He quickly grabbed Hoseok's long sleeve shirt and Taehyung's fluffiest socks. After the quick run, he first put on the socks, then the sweatpants, shirt and hoodie.
He, himself, slipped under the covers with Yoongi, warming him up faster with his body heat.
"-"
When Namjoon woke up, it was because of painful groaning that escaped Yoongi when he was waking up.
Yoongi was trying to sit, but the pain in his thighs was screaming at him.
Namjoon quickly got up and helped him sit against the headboard, shushing Yoongi's cries of pain. "You're okay, yeah? I'm here.. I won't let this happen ever again.." he hugged him, kissed him, loved him.
All that matters is Yoongi.
"-"
Jin came home first, late at night. He noticed the door to Yoongi's room open, as well as the rest. He quickly checked his oldest doesangs room, finding it empty.
He found Yoongi sleeping in Jimin's bed, Namjoon cleaning the bathroom, checking on Yoongi once in a while.
And he told Seokjin what happened.
The vocalist was shocked, scared confused... Why would Yoongi do this? ... Why hasn't he noticed?
How did this happen?
"-"
The dance line came next in the morning, finding the three in Jimin's room, Yoongi sleeping in his bed, looking as pale as ever.
Yoongi caught fever some time through the night, the blood loss and a panic attack, hospital is a big no-no, was way too much for his fragile body.
Hoseok reacted almost immediately, and went to the kitchen for water.
Yoongi's body rejected it.
They made a quick and easy soup.
Yoongi's body rejected it.
They snuggled up with him.
Yoongi's body needed it.
His mind needed it.
The one thing, that his well being needed the entire time: affection. He was touch starved. He was touch starved so much he cried when Hoseok said "I love you".
"-"
It got better. They took a month off, canceling the world tour, went to dance practice less and less, but it was all worth it.
The first week, Yoongi's thighs healed as best they could to allow him to walk without any pain.
At the second week, Yoongi smiled.
The fourth week, Yoongi let himself relax and slip. The best decision he ever made in his entire life..
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