His Grip On My Heart

5 - The Kiss that Didn't Do Its Job

         

"May I get the carriage ready for you General Shen?" a maid asks. "Would you like to walk Chu?" Shen asks her. "I think it's the perfect weather for a stroll" Chu nods.

Shen ignores the maid and loops his arm around Chu's. They start their walk around the beautiful country town. Chu notices as they walk past people, they bow their heads in Shen's direction. She can't tell if it's from respect or fear, but Shen definitely looks prideful.

Shen sees a flower cart carrying a boutique of beautiful violet Lotuses. While Chu is preoccupied drooling over grilled chicken, Shen glares at the seller who nods his head and with a shaky hand, points at the lotus, offering it for free to General Shen. He takes a single lotus and loses his glare once Chu is in his sight.

"A precious flower for a precious jewel" Shen hands it to Chu and Chu blushes wildly. Chu's name means pearl or a widely known jewel. "Is this a peace offering?" Chu asks, twisting the Lotus in her fingers. "Do you accept it?" Shen raises an eyebrow and they continue their walk. "Depends, what are you wrong for?" Chu eyes Shen.

"My behavior has been inappropriate. Stealing you from your family and treating you like a low life slave. You don't deserve this Chu, but I hope you'll understand" Shen says with a strong face as if he's trying to hide his emotions.

"Wei told me, I make you feel human" Chu says. Shen's jaw tightens, and he clears his throat. "Wei knows me better than anyone" Shen nods. "What does that mean Shen?" Chu furrows her brows. "Another question for another day little Chu. Would you like something to drink?" Shen stops in front of a fancy bar. "I'm not old enough" Chu shakes her head. "Nonsense" Shen scoffs and they walk inside.

"The Great General Shen! It's such an honor for you to choose my bar. I am Dishi. Please, chose anything for yourself and lovely partner" a jolly man behind the bar says to Shen. As Shen orders drinks, Chu stands by him, looking around the bar.

Chu has never heard such music. It's so fast and crazy, she's used to mama's records that played music from the earliest of Chinese history. They sound like dust and is perfect for helping her sleep.

Chu's foot is already tapping to the rhythm. The sound of glass touching the wood table get Chu's attention and she looks at the two drinks. "What is it?" Chu asks. "Mijiu. Sweet taste, strong impact. Much like yourself, little Chu" Shen grins and Chu rolls her eyes. She knows if she hesitates, she won't drink it, so instantly, she gulps it down.

Shen chuckles in surprises and follows her lead. Chu shivers at the burn hitting the back of her throat and shuts her eyes tight. "I think we'll need two more" Shen nods at the bartender.

Only 20 minutes later and they had moved from Mijiu to shots of Chinese vodka called Baijiu. It has a higher alcohol percentage with a much stronger taste. This being the first time Chu's drunk since her mother's first wedding, she got drunk very quickly and soon she and Shen were dancing on the floor with other people.

Shen didn't like it when someone would steal Chu away, but he couldn't help but feel joy as she giggled and smiled. When Chu was in his arms again, he held her tightly and led her around the room. Chu was having the time of her life.

She felt so free dancing with Shen. The more she looked at Shen, the cuter he got. Every 10 minutes, she would grab a drink from the tray Dishi sat out, swallow it down and go back to dancing. Hours went by and Shen noticed how Chu was staring as if she was in a daze.

Once she couldn't stand on her own, Shen decided it was time for them to get back. He's surprised by the thunderstorm and grabs Chu as they run from shade to shade, trying not to get drenched. But it doesn't work and after sprinting twice, both of them dripping wet.

As Shen is about to take off again, Chu tugs on his arm and holds him still. "What's wrong?" Shen asks, furrowing his brows. Chu shakes her head, looking into his cold dark brown eyes and pulls him closer. Shen's breath hitches as he recognizes the look on her face.

It's the look he has every time he sets eyes on Chu. It's a mixture of admiration and lust. His eyes watch the water droplets rest on her flawless face like pearls. Holding Shen's shirt, Chu pulls them to the wall of the house they were taking shelter under.

As soon as her back touches the clay, Shen holds her cheeks and begins taking her first kiss.

Just Shen's lips against hers cause Chu to moan and despite the cold weather, her body heats up. Shen quickly becomes excited and allows his hand to slide down her cheek, over her breast and caress her hips. Chu holds on to Shen's back and looks away, wanting Shen to kiss her neck.

As if Shen can read her mind, his trails his lips to her collar and sucks on her sweet skin. This causes Chu to moan even louder and out of desperation, she presses her chest against Shen's. Shen grunts as her leg rubs his erection.

Chu feels all of these delightful emotions buzzing in the bottom of her stomach, eager to touch Shen more.

"General Shen!" a soldier calls. Chu jumps with guilt and her eyes widen. Embarrassment takes over and she fixes her clothes. "I'm sorry to interrupt but the Prince wants you back at the Inn!" the soldier shouts, trying to overpower the sound of the loud rain.

Shen simply nods and slips his hand through Chu's and follows the solider back to their resting place. The entire time, Chu is trying to focus on what just happened but has no control of her mind. All she wants is to kiss Shen again and hopes it leads to something much more intimate.

Walking back into the building, Chu feels like everyone knows what's going on in her head. Chu feels like a whore. She feels dirty and useless. Without warning, bile runs up her throat and she snatches away from Shen and runs to the bathroom with a hand over her mouth.

"Don't come in!" Chu shouts, crying as she throws up in the toilet. She can hear Shen's footsteps behind the thin slider and isn't surprised when he walks in. He quickly holds her hair and pats her back gently while promising everything will be ok.

"I shouldn't have let you do that" Chu cries, catching her breath once everything is out of her system. Shen grabs a towel and wipes the mess from her face. "I shouldn't have done it" Shen shrug, trying to get Chu to smile and succeeding.

Tears still stream down Chu's face and without thinking, he grabs her and holds her in his arms. Every instinct in Chu's now sober body tell her to get away from Shen but she doesn't let go. Her heart wants to stay in his arms, where it feels warm and safe.

As they lay on the floor, on their knees, in each other's arms, Shen feels remorse.

He wishes he didn't kiss Chu. He wishes he didn't get Chu drunk. He wishes he didn't force Chu to leave her family. He wonders if he had charmed Chu and respected her family, things could be different. Chu wouldn't be on the floor, crying her eyes out, she'd be safe with her mother. She'd still be happy.

"I'm sorry," Shen says in her ear. Chu can't find the words to form a response, so she stays quiet. "Now is a good time for bed, don't you think?" Shen pulls them apart and puts on a fake smile. Chu nods, wiping her tears. "I'll have a maid set up a room for you" Shen helps her up and Chu tries not to look shocked. He's going to let her sleep alone?

Chu definitely isn't complaining. It doesn't take long for a maid to show Chu to her room. Shen didn't even tell her goodnight and it sort of hurt her feelings. She could've sworn that after two people kiss, they become closer, not further apart.

It keeps Chu up for quite some time while lying in bed. She kept thinking Shen would walk in and lay next to her, but he never came. Chu brings it down to two options. Either Chu was wrong, or Shen used her.

Why does neither of those sound good to her? Shouldn't she be happy Shen doesn't like her?

Only time can tell.