Open Clarity

1. NONNA CLARA (part two)

"Amelia, darling!" my mother called as she cheerfully came into my room. "We can't be late today, my big second-grader. It's your first day at your new school. Aren't you excited?" She quickly tugged open the heavy yellow linen curtains to reveal the bright blue morning sky. Beams of sunlight suddenly spilled in, blinding me and forcing me to turn around and bury my face in my sage green quilt.

With my eyes still closed, I lifted my head just in time to whine, "I don't want to go to school," and a lump started to form in my throat, choking the words as they came out from my quivering, downward-curved lips. I turned back into my pillow and wept. My mother threw herself on the bed next to me and rubbed my back.

"Aww, my little one. I know you're going to love your new school. You'll find some really good friends." She stroked my hair and coaxed me to turn my face out of the pillow. "There is so much you'll learn and so many children you'll get to play with."

I turned and sat up, facing her. "Nonna said that, when the children have birthdays, they'll invite me to their parties, and we'll have cake and ice cream, and we'll play fun games."

The joy in my mother's eyes was replaced with a distant sadness and longing, as the smile on her lips began to fade slightly. She swallowed. "When did she tell you that?" she asked with a stiff voice.

"Just now, just before you came to my room," I replied, matter-of-factly.

"Lia, Dear, you do remember that Nonna Clara is with the angels, now, don't you?" Her voice was laced with sadness. "Do you mean that you had a dream about her? When we sleep, we have dreams - it's kind of like thinking while we sleep - sometimes remembering - sometimes imagining - all while we sleep. Is that what you meant?"

"Oh, Mama, it was so pretty! We were on top of a hill at the beach, and I was on a swing, and Nonna was pushing me. It was just me and her and nobody else. It was so pretty!"

"Yes, Lia, but it was a dream, Dear. I need you to understand that." She seemed almost irritated now, but I could tell that she was forcing herself to maintain the cheer. "Let's hurry up and get out of bed. Breakfast is getting cold. I made your favorite!" By then, she had a genuine smile back on her face, as if whatever had been troubling her just a moment before had been completely resolved.

I couldn't understand why my dream with Nonna had upset her so much. I guessed that talking about my grandmother still made her sad because she still missed her. I almost wanted to reveal what Nonna had told me about her being happy now and about how young she looked, but I thought I would save it for another day. I definitely didn't want to upset her again - especially on my first day of school.

Mama helped me get out of bed and washed up. After I was dressed in my favorite new pair of jeans with purple and pink butterflies embroidered on the back pockets, turquoise t-shirt, white socks, and tennis shoes, my mother took a few extra minutes to brush my shiny black hair. She split my almost shoulder-length hair to the right side, and clipped a silver barrette at my temple to keep the spaghetti-straight strands out of my face.

As we drove up to my new school, I started to feel the panic. My mother found a parking spot in front of one of the houses that lined the street just past the school, and she walked me to my class. As we walked, I couldn't help but notice that most everyone was in groups, chatting excitedly to one another, probably about what they had done over the summer. It was going to be tough being the new kid.

The house my parents rented before buying our current one was just about an hour away, but my parents had wanted to move closer to my Aunt Adele and grandmother for as long as I could remember. I would always hear them talking about how much nicer the neighborhood was and how much better the schools were. It had been their dream, and they'd finally been able to find this house over this past summer. I was excited about it because it meant I could finally decorate my room however I wanted. The added bonus what that we were so close to my aunt.