F for you ( a 5S0S fanfiction )

*LOGAN'S POINT OF VIEW*

'Logan...could you please wipe off that somber expression of yours?For Michael's sake.' : my father asks me after noticing my silence. I chose not to answer him. I don't particularly trust my voice at this moment. To tell the truth, i am a jumble of emotions.It's all my fault. Two weeks ago my brother ,Michael,decided he doesn't want to live anymore. I mean...how sad do you have to be to even think that? Luckily my father found him before he could finish what he was doing. My father called my mom who was currently in Milan on 'business'.She was hysterical and flew back. My father, being the calm one in the family, phoned the ambulance. Michael was limp and lifeless and I'll never forget the tear tracks on his face. I couldn't stop staring at the red gashes of self hate on his arms. He was taken to the hospital and that's where we're headed to now. It's as if the Australian sky shared my sadness. The clouds are bordering on leaking and so are my eyes. Watching my parents is like watching robots. The exhaustion is visible on their faces and my mother can't seem to pull it together and stop crying and my father acts like he doesn't feel at all. Their motions are stiff and wary and they treat me like porcelain even more now that one of their children has mutilated himself. No one blames my parents though. I think they should. You can't keep being absent from your kids lifes and then expect everything to be fine. But hey, that's the Clifford way! As for me , i don't really know what to do. Michael and i have drifted apart since we started high school 3 years back...God , I feel so guilty. If only I had payed more attention to him. I wish it could be more like when we we're kids. We used to have so much fun together, chasing each other with our waterguns and our bikes. This was before he started dying his hair rainbow colours and before I actually had friends. My mother's voice snaps me out of my thoughts :' We're here' I get out of the car while my parents walk to the entrance . I look up to the floors and floors of hospital in front of me and i think to myself : why did you do this to yourself ,Michael? You hate hospitals . Michael is anemic so when he was little he had to get iron shots. It would take two nurses and both of my parents and me holding his hand to keep him still. He loathed it. We walk into the hospital and my mom goes to reception to find out where his room is.We walk with the nurse to his room .They have told us that he requested not to see us so this is the first time since that day that I'm seeing him. When we step into his room , I am temoprarily blinded by the glare of the white walls. I take in the bland paintings and suddenly find myself staring at the floor. I don't want to look into his eyes for fear of what I'll see there. Fear? Hatred? Sorrow? I hear my parents ask him if he's ready to go home. Hearing Michael mumble a yes makes me hopefull.Atleast we still have one thing in common...hatred of our parents. How do i fix this? How do i fix my brother and bring back his goofy happy smile?

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I walk to Michael's room and knock on his door. Its closed as always to ensure his privacy and to stop my mother from nagging at him for how it's always a mess. I knock again because he has Green Day in his stereo ,blasting it at full volume. I wonder how long he can keep this up before my mom cares enough to intervene. Suddenly my brother opens the door . I take in what he's wearing : a black skinny , a Deff Leppard shirt and his black vans. His hair is still blonde from its last bleach and it's sticking up in all places as if he's been running his hands through them for hours. He tends to do that when he's frustrated.. He looks at me and waits for me to say something. I wanted to talk to him about why he did what he did but i fail and stutter out : ' errmmm do you want some soda?'

*MICHAEL'S POINT OF VIEW*

'Errmmm do you want some soda?' Logan asks me. The first words she chooses to say to me after a full two weeks. I stare at her and realize just how much I've missed her. But of course , being the jerk I am , my first response is to run. I tell her no and shut the door in her face.I instantly feel guilty but fuck it. Fuck everything. Fuck hospitals with the doctors who don't actually don't give a shit about how you feel and fuck those white walls.Fuck my whole family ,trying to pretend that we're actually a family. Who are they to pretend that nothing happened? I wish it worked. Next time I'll try harder. I turn up my music and air guitar to Green Day and All Time Low ,trying to forget about my fucked up life . I'd rather live in the world of drums and guitar solo's.

*30 minutes later*

I am moshing alone in my room to 'a love like war' when my music suddenly stops. I turn around to see my mom sceptically looking around my room. She starts speaking but i cut her off : ' what did you do that for?' She sighs. I hate when she does that. I know I'm a dissappointment ,there's no need to point it out. 'Mikey...'she starts using my nickname for the first time in years.'This loud music isn't constructive for you and the state that you are in. Your psychologist would not recommend it.' I roll my eyes and feel the anger creeping up and i try very hard not to lash out at her. ' I can listen to any music i want to listen to. You can't control everything.' She stares at me as if I've stolen her precious Prada shoes. 'I am your mother and you will do as you're told!' And then , i lose it. All the anger I've been keeping in since two weeks ago come out. I smack my books and my speakers off my desk. I hear my mother gasp but i ignore her. Good . Be scared i think . Be scared shitless . I am so sick of my 'mother' pretending that she cares. I want to hurt her the way I'm hurting. ' You're not my mother . Mother's are supposed to be there for their children. Not jetsetting somewhere in Milan!' I spat my words at her with all the hate i could muster up. Her face falls and i think to myself : so it only take me attempting suicide for you to realize that you are indeed a shitty mother? She shouts at me that I'm grounded for two weeks and walks out of my room. How does she expect me to feel when she values her work above her family? Screw this 'being grounded' shit. My buddy Doughlas is having a huge party at his house tonight. His parents are away for the weekend and i reckon i should celebrate my freedom. I call him and he picks up on the second ring. 'Doughlas?Suhp bro . Could you come pick me up at 9? Thanks. Stop at the back. '

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AUTHORS NOTE : hey guys :) newcomer here so please no hate. But I'd love some comments and please like if you like it :) will be uploading soon.

PS I'M BAD WITH TENSES.

ALSOOOO....this is R-rated as its going to get a bit hectic later. Stick around for some 5SOS feels ;)