It's been two years and a half that I've posted my thoughts. And honestly, they've changed so much.
I've finally overcome my break-up and had an amazing relationship. Unfortunately, it ended. Because everything that is beautiful has to end. It had to end because the boyfriend I knew a year and a half ago wasn't the boyfriend I had in front of me anymore.
Now
I'm back on this journey
Alone
But I'm not that depressed anymore.
Actually
I'm happy
I'm really happy.
I've been building myself up back again, with so much joy and confidence, I'm really proud of me.
Good job Jarod.
But I'm hurting people on the way, and I hate myself for that. But, sometimes, you have to be selfish in life.
If you want to find happiness again, you have to think of yourself and only yourself, because otherwise, you will depend on others.
Again.
And guess what ?
My dumbass fell in love
Again
Only a month after my break-up
I'm in love
With this girl
That has such a pretty smile
And her eyes
I get lost in her eyes.
And it's so hard to fell in love like that.
Believe me
I'm constantly thinking that my brain is doing all of this to make me forget about my break-up
To have attention and to be able to overcome this situation.
But I know it's wrong
It's hard to believe
But it's wrong.
The way I look at her
With all those butterflies constantly hitting my stomach
With those goosebumps when our hands touches
With her voice dancing in my head everyday
It's true love.
I know it is
And I'm proud to love her.
My heart is beating so fast just writing this.
But I always have this question:
What if she won't love you back ?
What will happen then ?
You'll just be stuck in this in between
This in between of friendship and relationship.
And you'll have to eventually forget about your feelings
And just see her smile as a nice smile
Her eyes will become again just.. eyes, with no emotions whatsoever
Those butterflies will go away
Along as the goosebumps
And her voice will just be a pretty voice.
And I don't want this to happen
It's so sad to lost your feelings
I've went through this twice
And it takes a part of your soul with you.
Believe me.
But I don't care
Because I love her.
