CHAPTER EIGHTEEN: FEELINGS FOR WHO

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I take a shower then watch a movie & text Justin, while that happens, Austin texts me.

AM:hey

L:hey how'd the date go, did you kiss her?

AM:can I come over and just tell you, I'm pretty tired.

L:everyone's asleep we'll just text tomorrow

AM:how bout if we sneak out and just walk

L:I don't know

AM:I'm not gonna kiss you

L:I wasn't thinking that

AM:really?

L:okay I was, but its just I think we should keep a little distance

AM:if I'm not gonna kiss you, why keep distance?

L:true okay come, you better be here in 5 minutes or less or else I'm going to sleep.

AM:I'm already here

I stop texting him & go outside. He's in his car. I go up to the window.

L:how long have you been out here?

AM:when I started texting you, I came

L:okay let me go get my jacket, I'll be right back.

He nods, gets out of the car & waits. I get inside & get Justin's jacket then go outside.

L:ready?

AM:yah

We start to walk in the direction of the park.

L:so the date, how'd it go?

AM:it was great she's really nice, funny, she's awesome, I did put my arm around her & held her hand & kissed her.

L:that's good right it must've been great then.

AM:it was really great, but honestly I kept thinking about you

L:Austin

AM:I'm sorry but I do have feelings for you Lou its not my fault, you're beautiful & funny & spontaneous & just everything. When I kissed Lauryn I thought about us kissing & I just took her home.

L:Austin I'm sorry, but I'm with Justin & I'm in love with him & he's in love with me.

AM:I know, but I just want you to tell me something

L:okay

We stop walking & he looks at me

AM:tell me you didn't feel anything when we kissed, be honest

L:I'm not gonna lie I did feel something when we kissed, but I can't...

AM:why not, it's what you want not what Justin or me or anyone else wants but you. It's how you feel

L:Austin you gotta stop

AM:Lourdes I know you have something for me maybe not as big as Justin but you have something & that counts.

I stay silent & he holds my hand.

AM:I just need someone to talk to & you are the first person that comes into mind, I really love how we talk & joke. Why don't we just talk.

L:I thought we were just gonna talk.

something in me tells me I should go back home but I stay.

AM:just talk to me about anything

L:I miss Justin a lot

AM:he misses you more than you do, trust me.

He hugs me & we continue to walk & talk

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