I Thrive for Death

Chapter 1

        I wake up to a river in my bed and relized that it was 3 in the morning and I was crying. It was loud too. Taylor was in here with his guys. Guess they spent the night. They had scared looks on their face as if I just murdered someone and I didn't even now. " What are you guys looking at?" I asked kinda scared. I had a nightmare. The same nightmare I have had for months now. Is that what it was? "You were screaming... and you we-were screaming 'I want to be dead with you' really really loud. And the.....then we ran in here and you weren't breathing. Then you woke up and now we want to know what happ-pened." Only Taylor knew about it. I looked at him in hopes he would notice. He did. He took the boys and told them and they comforted me. I just cried on Jack Johnson's shirt. What is funny is that they ain't bulling me about it. I guess a touchy topic. I don't know what was going to happen I just hope it gets better.

        I woke up on Jack's chest with my feet on Shawn. Taylor and Nash on the floor and I stepped on Taylor's stomach and that woke him up in a flash. Only because I fell off the bed when I did that and it was his stomach. He looked at me and saw it was me and I said sorry and that I fell. He understood. Thankfully. I want pizza. I go to the kitchen and there it was. Little Ceasers. Best pizza ever. I love their pepperoni. I then went to my closet and got clothes and went to Taylor's room and took a shower. Taylor is so gonna kill me for it but I ain't taking no shower when there are about 9 boys in there. Just no. I will take the slapping.

        When I finished my shower, I went down stairs and saw no boys up and we needed to leave in about 20 minutes for I figured that I was gonna be nice and make my slapping less painful by waking them up.

        I went up stairs and I shook Taylor. His eyes open and he said stop. "Taylor, you guys over slept. It is 9:38. You don't have long." He shot up and ran and I guess got dressed. "Hey! Wake up!" I yelled and the rest kinda woke up but didn't wake up. It is now 9:39. "Check the time and then get ready."

        I grabbed my things and went down stairs. As for the guys stuff because I was bored. I am  really really tired so life. I guess. I really don't know what to say. I am gonna make waffles.  I made a giant box of  waffles and ate two of them and then the guys came down and the amount they grabbed varied.

        We hoped into two diffrent cars and drove to the airport. I am always very quiet and  bullied a lot. I desided that today I was gonna sing in public cuz I was dared by Shawn in the first place. Ugh. Sometimes I really hate playing Truth or Dare but I only played because Taylor and the guys would just probably call me a chicken and I really hate that. I am sad to much. I just always have this empty feeling in my tummy and I get flusted and I will just pass out but it is hard to notice cuz mom is gone a lot and Taylor doesn't really pay attention to me. I am usually home by myself and Taylor would be out doing something with his friends. I have only ever met Jack Shawn Hayes and the rest twice, but only Shawn and Jack plus Hayes were nice to me. I hope Hayes don't turn into another one of those guys.

        I desided to make a YouTube because I am gonna have to post a picture in about 6 minutes. Shawn is gonna video tape and I was gonna randomly start singing in the airport and try to look weird. I am suppost to go up to people and keep singing and just keep doing that  for the whole song. I am about to embarrase myself infront of strangers. This will be fun. Like for real. Note the Sarcasme. 

        I desided to sing Shawn's song "The Weight" because that is the best song in the world. I ain't a bad singer, but I ain't a good singer either. 

I wanna go back,

Forget that it's over

Paint it in black,