I Thrive for Death

Chapter 2

I woke up with the lady person telling Jack and I that we needed to buckle up. I woke him up and told him and then I desided that I want to find food as soon as we landed. "Jack. The game plan for when we land today is to go find food. Understand the mission?"

"Yes." He said and we were both laughing our heads off. I dont understand why. Maybe because we just woke up. I am really happy when with Jack or Shawn but I am really depressed. Nobody knows that I cut my arm. I cut up by my shoulder so that I can wear short sleeves and so that nobody quesetions me. I just really hope that Jack don't get peeky.

"Let go." Jack said. I didn't even know that the plane had landed. To much in my thoughts. I guess that I need to pay more attention to life instead of cuts. Or nahh. Shawn doesn't even know so that is a big secret. I always tell Shawn or Jack something but this is a secret that you should share to olny so many people or to nobody. It just that think.

"I want Starbucks. Shawn, wanna join the game plan for today or no."

"Yes. What is it this time?"

"Find food. Starbucks also if we are that lucky."

"Okay."

With that we left to go get food from somewhere. It was of course Starbucks cuz we them White Chicks. I know I said I am depressed and stuff but that don't mean I can't be happy every now and then. I have almost commited suicide but I was caught by Shawn. He promised not to tell anyone ever. Than the lord for that.

"Hey. Can we talk for a bit please?" Shawn asked me

"Sure. "We walked away from Jack. He always knows what to get me tho. Thank the lord.

"I can't believe you never told me?" Shawn said.He didn't yell because he knows that if he is calm, I'm calm.

"Never told you what?"

"That you cut. I knew all along after you tried suicide but I wasn't sure until I saw your arm on the plane. I put your sleeve down before anyone could notice."

"Oh. I...I....um.never... " I just was lost for words. Kept it a secret for about two years now. I guess someone was bound to find out.

"I know you are lost for words. I see it in your eyes. I just want you to know I am always here for you. You're like the sister I never had, but I do like the one I got. "

"Haha. Thanks Shawn. I think I am gonna tell Jack later since you already know but we can't tell anyone else."

"Okay."

With that we went back to Starbucks cuz we be them White Chicks. I guess. I really don't know what I am gonna do when I tell Jack. He knows me just as well as Shawn does. I guess I just have to tell him sooner or later and I guess that sooner is to come. What if he doesn't want to be with me anymore? This could ruin our friendship and then it would just be Hayes and Shawn. Then I wouldsoon lose them along with that. Gosh. Just shut up and tell him. Ugh. Sometimes I hate my world in my head. I guess it time to go now. Off to the hotel. Yay (Note Sarcasme)

As soon as we got to the hotel, I was sharing with Shawn. Taylor probly dont care tho. "Hey. I think that it is time to tell him Catie."

"I know. I am just scared. This is just not something you come out and say and then think everything will be okay. You are gonna be watching me closer and I don't want to think about what Jack is gonna do. I just really and honestly started my arms two nights ago. I used to just do my thighs and tummy."

"Just tell him. Everything will be fine." Shawn's words made it seem like that. Hopfully he is right.

"Okay. Bye Shawnie."