I walk toward her as fast as my injured leg allows me to – which is not fast at all. Each step requires all my concentration, and each step is more painful than the last.
I look down to pull my knife out from my belt – the stupid thing doesn't make it any easier to walk; the blade keeps pressing against my leg, which only adds to the pain. With as much force as I can, I throw it out at the lake.
I look up to find Katniss pointing her arrow straight at me.
I raise my eyebrows instinctively. Did she read my mind?
Her eyes flicker to my empty hand and then to the lake behind me. She then looks back at me and the expression on her face can only be chagrin. She drops her bow and takes a step back, her face turning a shade darker.
"No," I reassure her. "Do it."
I pick up the bow and place it back in her hands.
"I can't," she says shaking her head fiercely. "I won't."
"Do it," I tell her again. "Before they send those mutts back or something. I don't want o die like Cato," I shudder at the thought.
"The you shoot me," she says almost shouting, shoving the weapon back at me. "You shoot me and go home and live with it!"
I can see fresh tears starting to pool in her eyes.
I have to swallow before I can speak again.
"You know I can't," I say hoarsely.
Her face is set in a stubborn expression and I can see that nothing I can say is going to change her mind. "Fine, I'll go first anyway." I drop the bow and lean down to untie the bandage off my leg. The blood flows freely as soon as I loosen the bandage.
"No! You can't kill yourself," she says and fall to her knees, pushing my feeble hands out of the way, and plasters the bandage back onto my wound.
"Katniss," I say almost rolling my eyes – can't she see that I would rather die a thousand times then live without her? "It's what I want."
"You're not leaving me here alone," she says in a determined tone.
"Listen," I begin, pulling her back up. "We both know they have to have a victor. It can only be one of us. Please," I beg her, "take it. For me. I love you, Katniss. My life belongs to you – I can't live without you. Life would have no meaning for me if you didn't exist. There would be no point to living. But you're strong – stronger than me – you can do this. You can go on. You can move on."
I stare intently into her eyes, trying to decipher her thoughts, but her eyes seem distant, far away from the present.
"Katniss?"
Her eyes refocus on mine again, and they seem wild. Her fingers reach down to her pouch, and they tremble as she unties its opening.
"No," I say firmly, stopping her hands. "I won't let you."
"Trust me," she whispers staring intently into my eyes, as if trying to communicate something vital.
I think it over for a while, holding her gaze, but then let go of her.
She turns my hand over and pours a few spoonfuls of berries into my palm, and then fills her own.
"On the count of three?" she asks.
This is it, I think. I guess this is the best way to end it. Clean. Fast. No blood drawn out – well except for mine, but that's different.
I lean down and touch my lips to hers, slowly, gently.
"The count of three," I whisper.
We turn the opposite way, our backs pressed together, our empty hands locked tight.
"Hold them out," I say. My voice sounds strangled. "I want everyone to see." To see what they've done to us. They won't feel guilty, I'm sure, but at least they'll know they're responsible for the deaths of many innocent lives. They'll know just the kind of monsters they are.
She gives my hand a gentle squeeze as a signal, as a goodbye, and we begin counting.
"One."
Finally free.
"Two."
It'll finally end.
"Three."
But I'll miss her so much.
I lift my hand to my mouth, staring up at the blue sky one last time. The berries have just touched my tongue when the trumpets begin to play, booming in the air.
Claudius Templesmith's hysterical voice shouts above them. "Stop! Stop! Ladies and gentlemen," he says almost fusing his words together. "I am pleased to present the victors of the Seventy-fourth Hunger Games, Katniss Everdeen and Peeta Mellark! I give you – I give you the tributes of District Twelve!"
What?
