The Skylar Experiment : Dead Ending (second draft)

Chapter Nine-Goodbye

RILEY

I STARED AT my dreary reflection in the mirror, fisting the skirt of my black dress and fighting the urge to rip the material. Emma was right about one thing. I did owe the Westons to be there, and I owed it to their son more than anyone else because he died by my fault. So many crippling emotions went through my mind as I saw my face, so many what ifs. I would do anything to turn back the clock.

When did I become the kind of person to put everyone around her in danger and to aim a gun at a man?

My worried Dad crept up from behind and appeared in the glass.

"I know it's hard," he said. "Adam was your friend."

I tried to speak but I choked on the words and gave up. If I started to talk, I didn't think I'd have enough strength left to drag myself to the funeral and confront what I've done.

"Kiddo," he replied, his mouth forming a dour line. "It's unfair, but there are bad things that happen and it's out of our control. You can't beat yourself up over that. It's okay to grieve, but don't forget to live."

But how could I ever live with this? Did I really have no control over any of what went down? I looked at Dad fearfully, wondering what he would think of me if he knew the truth, how disappointed he'd become. He'd ask himself where he went wrong raising me.

In the mirror, his face was a saddened echo to what I felt. He gave my shoulder a shake, like offering an ounce of courage before it was time to go. "I'm so sorry, Riles. I'm sorry you have to go through this."

Grabbing my coat, I left the house and rolled the Ford out of the driveway. I stopped the engine in the reception's parking lot to take a second, feeling like I will shatter before getting through those doors.

I would not lose it in front of his family. I was here to pay my respects and to say goodbye like any normal person. But letting go... seemed like such an impossible feat. I cared about him, and whenever I thought of the good moments with him, I couldn't bear the fact that he was gone forever, blown away like autumn leaves scattered in the wind.

Pressure swelled behind my eyelids and I inhaled deeply, closing my eyes. I rubbed my forehead and got out of the car, following a line of people dressed in black towards the doors. 

Dozens of locals have gathered in the big room, discussing lowly with grave, worn down faces. I recognized a lot of them from school, and the rest must be their relatives. It nearly looked like the whole town had decided to attend the funeral. 

I spotted Emma with Sam in a corner, looking a little awkward, and avoided them. As I waded through the crowd, my gaze remained fixed to the wooden floor. Whispers elevated in my path, so light I could almost think they're the brushing of fabric.

"That's her."

"They broke up just before he died in the accident."

"That's rough. Poor Adam."

"I heard she's the one to call it off. Why is she even here?"

The words swirled in my head despite my efforts to shut them out. Grim stares impregnated with meaning turned in my direction. Up ahead, people put up a big picture of Adam in his team jersey, one where the sun shone on his bright face and his dishevelled hair. He held a soccer ball in one arm and kissed a medal with the other.

I walked up the altar, holding my breath with bruised lungs, and I came upon the open casket with Adam's body lying in it, so still and pale, eyes closed. My hand rose on its own and absently ran through strands of his hair. He was cold and stiff. As my finger lingered down his expressionless face, forever frozen, I couldn't find the spot where he'd been shot. 

His skin looked untouched and devoid of scarring or any sign of trauma. I wanted to break something. 

NIO had no boundaries. They erased the evidence somehow to make the accident believable. All they ever did was lie from the beginning. 

"Hey," a voice spurred me out of my thoughts.

Jen stood across from me on the altar, inches away from the casket. She seemed to keep an important space between her and the coffin like touching it would burn her alive.

"Hi." I forced a smile. "Are you... okay?"

She stared at her step-brother's body with a certain restriction, not daring to lay eyes on him too long.

"I don't know. What about you?"

We had so much to tell each other during this whole time we hadn't spoken, but we didn't waste our energy. I couldn't think of what to say. She probably cried to the extent that she had no more tears to cry. It was weird, but I hadn't cried once on my part.

The ceremony began, and I had to sit down on a bench next to Sam, Jen and her parents. Spartacus sniffed my hands and knees enthusiastically, overjoyed to see me after so long. We had to restrain his leash or else he'd scamper over to Adam's body and interrupt the speeches. He didn't realize his favorite owner would never wake up.

I spaced out while people came up to talk, sharing funny or touching memories about Adam. We moved outside in the graveyard to drop him into his freshly dug grave, and I remember two men closing the casket before letting Adam down under the snow. 

I read the epitaph, my heart tightening like a noose had been wrapped around it, each beat straining harder and harder.

Adam Weston. Loving son, brother and promising athlete. 15th of February 1999 - 1st of January 2018.

I felt like they buried a fragment of myself with him.

It was a cold day with a wistful sky and biting wind. Everyone headed back in the reception as if in a trance. I couldn't stay any longer and be near all these people. The walls felt like they'd start hurtling inward and crush me. I prepared to leave but Jen caught me on my way to the doors.

"I... I just wanted to tell you..." she said with tears overflowing in her eyes. "He really loved you. He would always talk about you at home and his face would just light up every time." She trailed off as a broken smile stretched her lips.

I felt like I was breathing fire, my self-control rapidly undoing itself. A part of him might have loved me, but not enough to listen when I'd needed him to the most. That stain was tucked in a drawer of my mind, at rest but nothing I could forget. 

"Aren't you mad at me?" I gasped.

She stepped closer, sniffling. "I won't ever understand why you left my brother so suddenly. I thought you guys were happy. But... I know that Adam would want you to be happy even if it's not with him."

"Jen..." I distanced myself a little.

"Please," she whispered. "Let me finish. We are still friends. I can see it on your face that you think you did the wrong choice, but you couldn't have known what would happen. Don't... leave again."

I shook my head without hesitation, and confusion crossed her gaze. I knew she needed her friend now to help her through this, and that I had gone missing from her life like the crappiest friend in the world. But I couldn't stay, not in the way she wanted me to. Emma would have to do the damage control on that one.

The revolver's click echoed in my head, so crisp and loud I could have believed it was real. I imagined her falling to the ground, a bullet hole in her head.

"I have to. I'm sorry."

I made for the exit before she could hold me back and make it harder. 

  ❃ ❃❃ 

I'm still in the portion of the narrative where I'm portraying the aftermath of the ambush, and there are a lot of sides to go through. 

Our event that launches the plot is coming along and I'd love to hear your speculations as to what it could be--or under which form it'll manifest itself ;)