Quotes, Poems, and Random Stuff

Depressing Stuff I

Wrote: 01-26-2019

You may want to skip over this. It may be a little depressing for some.

Depressing Stuff I

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Quote

We'll always remember you Grandpa because there'll never be another one to replace you in our hearts, and the love we will always have for you.

~Unknown

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It's getting closer to the one year anniversary if my grandpa's death and I decided it's about time to actually talk about it. It happened in February 2018. I wanted to die so badly that month. I hated God for taking him and I hated myself too. I still hate myself for it because I wished and sometimes still do that he took Janet (his wife, my grandmother) instead of him. I have a sore spot with her because she would call me everything but her granddaughter. She would call me a slut, whore, and a bitch but she would never call me by my actual name.

There is also another thing that happened that month that not very many people know about. There was a boy that went by the name of Brayden. He helped me through the week of my grandpa's death and funeral. He would check up on me throughout the day making sure I was okay and things. He would text me at night to make sure I was okay and everything. But the day after his funeral he started to pretend that I didn't exist. He stopped talking to me and checking in on me. It honestly broke me and I honestly thought that I would be better off dead.

The only thing that kept me going was the thought that things will get better. I wish I could say things got better right away but they didn't. They got worse before they got better. I went through a time were I was majorly depressed and I barely ever smiled. I go through times where I flashback to being in the hospital with him as he lowly died and seeing him take his last breath. I was broken. I couldn't even manage to crack a joke, which is my coping method. I cried for days. I woke up in the middle of the night crying. And I would go through times where I almost would cry at school. I would have mental breakdowns that still occur every so often. I don't get them as much now but when I do get them they're bad. Things sure took their sweet time getting better and I'm still not sure if they are or not, but as of right now I think they have.