Not tomorrow, but now!--Usaida Yoshihito--Gakuen Babysitters

9

I was in a haze, lost in my own world. His warm lips were so intoxicating, it felt almost impossible to push him away. I soon knew he was enjoying this when he pulled me closer and deepened the kiss, letting out a groan. However, I promised to stay far away from him in order to not open his wounds from the past.

What if we don't work out or we fall out and he is angry with me once again. Is this really what he wants or is he doing this because he was asked to? I just didn't know what to believe anymore.

I placed my hand on his chest and push his back while lowering my head. It was something I always wanted but this was something I knew wasn't right.

Sure you readers probably won't understand this and why I would do this to my very crush since middle school. Sure I wanted to kiss him! Tell him I love him! Hell, I even thought about marrying him! But something in my heart tells me that this wasn't right.

"Sora..." Usaida mumbled lost for words. He was probably trying to make sense to my troubled expressions and figure out a reasoning behind why my inexplicable, abnormal action, and just what was going through my mind.

"Why did you just do that? Kiss me? Weren't you the one who was disgusted with the sight of seeing me again? Even went through the trouble to make me feel your pain, well especially when we all went to the zoo." I asked, "Even after you went through all that trouble to bash me and getting everyone to turn against me just to prove your point about leaving our friendship and how I should keep my promise, you do a total 360 and kiss me."

"Because-"

"Why is that!" I yelled, "Yeah if I didn't leave maybe this could have been us if I didn't leave before our last year of high school...well if I had the choice to stay. Maybe I would have had the opportunity of being called your girlfriend and probably we could have fallen in love and even gotten married. And every day of us being together, I would be able to open up more to you. But that isn't the case right? I am a simple girl who can't hold a promise. So that day you told me about how you felt, I made sure to promise you this: I will not allow for your old wounds to open up because of me. So don't act brand new in trying to win my affection...because we both know...that can't happen.

With every word I told him, I took a step away from him not looking him in his eyes that were probably filled with hurt or pain.

"I forgive you Sora," Usaida began and he walked down the stairs, "I am sorry that I made you feel that way-I was just so angry and hurt!"

His rash behavior caused me to flinch which made him stop. Muffled sobs filled the staircase. No one could hear them besides you both, the one who was creating the sorrowful noise. It seemed like I had been bottling this emotion for so long that it was finally time for him to hear it and see it. To see the very tears and whimpers escape my eyes and voice, to see my palms become soiled.

"I'm sorry too," I said, "For being the cause of your frustration and pain."

I suddenly turned around and ran down the stairs leaving him completely confused and hurt. I needed to get out of there before things when too far. All we did was kiss and that was something I never even dreamed of us doing together.

If this was us in the past, this was something I would definitely want to enjoy and take in. But presently, this is something that can't be enjoyed.