Her Scar

Now

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TW: Suicide/Suicide attempt

The sun is setting over the color filled sky. Clouds dancing with each other. The breeze blowing gentle across my skin. Tree waving hello to each other. Everything is beautiful in this moment in time.

I walk over and sit on the steps of the porch and take out a pack is cigarettes and a lighter. I pluck a cig out and flick the lighter. I light the cigarette and take a drag. I begin feel the smoke fill my lungs. I exhale and begin to think. Everything felt so perfect, yet I feel so empty.

I start to feel a wave of sadness wash over me and begin to feel like I'm drowning. I feel the tears start to fall out of my eyes. I couldn't help but let out chuckle, 'I thought I was over this' , I thought to myself, ' Yet, I always come back to square one. Everything that happened to her was all because of me and only me.'

I take another drag from my cigarette. I try to not think of the moments that lead up to what happened. I stand up and snap out of the daze that I found myself in. I toss the cig on the ground and stomp on it. I dust of my black dress pants and unbutton my white shirt. I take a deep inhale and walk toward the door, but stop to look at the sunset one last time, " I'll be there soon Corazón."

I turn back to the door and walk through it a final time. I leave it open and let the breeze flow through me. I close my eyes and just feel the wind move around my person. I walk throughout the house and say goodbye to the place I once called home. I feel a sense of closure as I do.

I walk up the stairs and stride towards my room. I go to the bedside table and look inside. I take out a picture, a bracelet, and piece of fabric. I then take one last look at the room and head toward the bathroom.

All I can think of right now is how I'm going to see her again and how everything will be okay. I walk over to the bathtub and set everything down inside. I move toward the medicine cabinet and open it. I look for my antidepressants and grab them. I begin twist the cap until I hear a click and pour a handful into my hand. "This is it", I tell myself, " No more pain, no more lying, no more sadness, and no more living." I smile in such glee, this is all I want. Pure bliss.

I walk over to the bathtub and climb in. The place where I retreated to find comfort is now the place where I'm going to find freedom and peace. I look at the pills in my hand and start to swallow them.

I finished them all, I feel so happy that I start to cry and laugh. I feel so relived that everything is going to end. I grab the picture, bracelet, and piece of cloth and slide down in the tub. I hold them close to my heart.

I begin to think of everyone I love and care for. Mama, Papa, Helen, my cousins, my aunts, my uncles, my grandparents, my friends. I will miss them dearly, but it's okay. They will have each other to love and to care for. I love them all so much, but the time has come that my story will end.

I start to feel tired and dizzy. This is it, it's finally happening. My final wish in this life, the last words in my chapter.

"Nam?", The last thing I heard before I lost consciousness.

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Hello! I'm Earl! ^-^

I'll try to get an update schedule going, but until then Ill try and update when I have free time.

I know some of you might think this is annoying, I dont want to lose people no matter what. So please, if you ever are thinking of suicide or just need someone to talk to please reach out and get help.

Love y'all *^-^*

US: 1-800-784-2433, 1-800-273-8255, 1-866-4-U-TREVOR

Canada: +1 416-408-4357, +1 514-723-4000

UK: +44 (0) 8457 90 90 90, +44 (0) 8457 90 91 92