Stuff and Nonsense (poems)

The Pit

There is only one truth in this life, 

That truth is; we all die.

I don’t know if there’s an afterlife,

If there is I want to fry.

I’ll welcome Death with open arms,

My blackened soul he’ll reap.

Just bury me and leave me be,

No need to grieve and weep.

If God is the forgiving kind,

And I get to Saint Peter’s Gate,

I’ll kick Sir Petey up the arse,

And grind my boot upon his face.

Oi God, these wings are poncey,

And I think your books are shit,

I don’t want to sit upon a cloud,

Just send me to the Pit.

I love the stench of sulphur,

And I think the Devil’s swell,

I’m not a bloody Angel,

So send me down to Hell.

A halo? God, you’re kidding me,

I’m sure that’s not legit,

So harness up the Demons,

And send me to the Pit.

The colour white won’t suit me,

And these sandals don’t fit well,

How many times do I have to say it?

I’d be better off in Hell.

He’ll get sick of all my moaning,

Complain my yelling is too loud,

He’ll get Satan on the phone and say;

“Get this bitch off my cloud!”