USA Part 2

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The Ranch


Our next journey would take us a few hours to reach our destination, once outside Vegas there was hardly any traffic, most of the time it looked like a scene from a movie. After an hour and no change in the scenery you begin to worry if you are going the right way until you see a sign that tells you that you are still a long way from your destination, how big is this country? This is getting a bit monotonous now so we decide to stop at a gas station and diner for a break, get some fuel which is very cheap compare to Europe and something to eat. We go in and sit down and once again look at the vast choice on the menu, when a couple of bikers come in and order "liver and onions", strange choice for a couple of bikers, but we then realise they are British like us. We each settle on a beer, sandwich with fries and like always we are overwhelmed by the size, once again we say "next time we'll order one between us" but we never do. Rather full we decide to carry on and get the last leg of the journey over and done with as quickly as the speed limit will allow us.

Finally, we see signs for our destination, which leads us down a dusty one lane track for a couple of miles until we see a ranch with walls all around it. We park up in what seems like a car park but there is no obvious way inside the ranch, we try a couple of doors until one opens. Bags in hand we enter into what appears to be a gunfight and we are standing right in the middle, we stand absolutely still until calmness descends and laughter takes over, we have only stumbled on the matinee cowboy show. We are quickly ushered to one side saying our apologies as we go and shown to the main reception.

The receptionist confirms our booking, two nights in a tepee tent with breakfast and dinner. She then proceeds to ask us would we like dinner, to which we reply "what's on the menu?" "steak" is the reply, "anything else", "no, just steak", ok steak it is, good job we are not vegetarians. The receptionist shows us to our "tent" and cheerily proceeds to point out the benefits of said "tent", to which there are none. Once she goes we sit down and decide this might be a good experience if you want to sleep out in the desert in the cold, but not for us. We return to the reception and ask can we change accommodation to a wooden chalet, to which a shocked receptionist agrees and tells us we can't have a partial refund, we agree, apparently the tepees are a lot more to hire, cold and more expensive, what's not to like?

We unpack a few things and go for a look around, carefully looking out for sharp shooting cowboys and tourist riding large horses. We have a few games of throwing the horse shoe and some other types of wild west themed games, until we see the restaurant or steakhouse getting ready. Time for a quick shower and spruce up before our steak dinner and we are ready to go.

We make our way into the dimly lit room or should I say darkness and are greeted and shown to our table by the roaring fire. Other people arrive and take their seats, no need to order steak automatically comes with beer, fries and some vegetables but these seem to be just to fill in the little space on the plate the huge steak hasn't taken up. Half way through our steak dinner, a Dolly Parton clone called "Darlene" suddenly announces herself in a southern drawl and proceeds to reel off a whole repertoire of Country & Western "classics". This wouldn't be too bad if the room wasn't the size of a matchbox and she's sitting right behind you strumming her guitar like her life depended on it. Steak finished and dessert of apple pie and cream is offered, after all that steak we decline politely, I don't think I will eat again for a week or at least till breakfast. Darlene finishes her set to wild applause from the other diners, which prompts Darlene to ask everyone to come outside and sit round the campfire for a sing song. We go along with everyone and make our way outside to a now freezing cold desert, with a campfire that only serves to light up Darlene's sequined costume and nothing else. Three songs in, cold as ice and Darlene's voice making my ears hurt, we make our excuses and retire to our cabin. Once in our cabin we light the fire and open up a nice bottle of wine and watch from the window the sing song crowd disappearing quickly leaving only the die hard or as we say drunk guests singing along with Darlene. Eventually Darlene finally calls it a night and quiet and stillness are restored to the clear cold evening.

The next morning, we wake up having only slept a few hours due to the cold, can't imagine what the tepee would have been like. Off to breakfast and once again it's meat based with the option of eggs a couple of ways and toast and coffee on the side. After breakfast we go to reception to see what activities have been booked for us, we are told there's a horse-riding trek for five hours starting at 1pm and back in time for, yes, you've guessed it STEAK. We decline the offer of spending hours in the saddle with a wild horse, over rocky terrain in the middle of the desert, fun this is not. We decide to go for a drive instead but with this being in the middle of nowhere, there is only the odd little town and not much else, after a couple of hours we head back.

When we get back all the riders have returned from their trek and look dishevelled and saying how much they have enjoyed it, but we're having none of it. Once again it's time for dinner and all of a sudden I felt like Bill Murray in "Groundhog Day", everything is the same, it's a rerun from the previous night right down to the sing song outside around the campfire, good job we leave tomorrow or do we? (I got you babe is now playing in my head, watch Groundhog Day and you'll know).

The next morning nothing has changed, same breakfast, same people sitting in the same places, repeating the pleasantries, time to eat up, check out and head towards Los Angeles and take in part of route 66 for our final leg of the journey.

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