Forgetful

The Middle of the Begginning

The dinner was really awkward, if you ask me. No one talked. I ate a little bit, because even though I don’t want to eat, I can’t help it. Sigh, I hate myself so much…

After that whole let’s-eat-and-never-talk-about-this-again moment, I decided I should go to my room, because I feel good there, it’s safe. Well, actually it’s not really safe, because a robber could just kill me since my door is made of wood, but I don’t even mind being killed. I might even thank the stranger!

Anyways, I went to my room and I usually log in on tumblr and check my twitter account, but I’ve been really tired lately. Not I-need-to-sleep tired, more like i’m-sick-of-this-shit-and-I-want-to-die tired, but I’m still tired so yeah.

Since I don’t check social networks, I cry. I like to cry. Crying is one of my favorite things, because it cleanses my soul and it makes me feel pure for a while. Also, I cut. I don’t think you need me to explain why I cut, because it’s a really long explanation, but I can tell you how much I love it. I deserve to be hurt and whenever I see that blade holding against my wrist, I just watch my skin slicing into two and it reminds me of my broken heart; how he was broken in so many ways by the same person over and over again. It’s kind of funny, you know? You fall in love with a person and you know it will end bad because you’re shit and he won’t love you, but you go for it anyways because you can’t control your heart. Then, you start a relationship thanking all the gods ever mentioned in the Human History, but then… everything falls apart. He never really loved you; He loves another person; You were just a distraction. And you remember every word he said to you, every “I love you”, every hug, every kiss and you can’t help to think you’re nothing to him. It hurts. A lot. And then you want to die. You might actually think he will ask you if you’re fine or not, but he got a booty call and you never really existed to him. It makes you feel like shit. Wel… shit.