"Do you know when you feel completely worthless because you can't seem to help someone you really want to help? When all you can say is "I know the feeling" even though the person might disagree, making you feel useless? When you try to help others and have no one by your side?
It's so hard to live in these conditions. It's just so hard. Nobody deserves this, but I still think I deserve this. I deserve everything painful in the world because I'm a scum. I don't do anything in this fucked up world. I seem to have lost pleasure in all the activities I used to adore. It's just... I don't know. I never know. I never have anything to say but no one really wants me around, so I really don't need to worry about that."
- Honey, the dinner is ready. - says my mom, entering my mom.
- I'm writting, mom! Go away.
- Well, you can stop doing whatever you are doing and have a nice dinner with your family.
- I'm not hungry.
I really don't think the "I'm not hungry" excuse works, but I have to make an excuse. I'm just so sick of eating, so sick of being a fat fucker. The more I think about my body, the more I feel like crying and I did the only thing I could do at the moment. I cried.
- Please, honey, just have dinner with us. I don't know why you cry so much. You have nothing to cry about, just eat with us. It's the third meal you skip.
I had to have dinner with my family. I know my mother wouldn't let me be the whole damn day sitting in the corner of my dark room with my dark thoughts, so I went downstairs to join my brothers and my mother.
YOU ARE READING
Forgetful
غموض / إثارةI never really thought I would end up like this, but look at me. It's not fair that relapse feels so much better than recovery, but it does. Now what?
