Nobody is paying attention now

Ana, is that you?

She started writing to me again. She says she's there for me. Track season is starting up and she is motivating me. She thinks I'm being fat since I'm eating more to keep up and stay fast... Ana doesn't understand that I "need" food to be fast. When I tell her I'm getting faster, she gets rid of the S and replaces it with a T.

"Fatter. You fucking pig. You're eating lunch again. You're disappointing everyone."

But my dear, Ana, I'm trying... I've been running so much; till the point that I can't walk down the stairs the next day.... and yet I push myself everyday at track, until I am on the verge of tears.

"Your period is back. It's been on time recently. How long has it been since you missed it? Or how long since it was at least off track? Fat- ass."

But Ana, can't you see I'm trying. I look in the mirror and see how disgusting I am. I see how fat I am and I regret every calorie. I've considered writing to Mia. I mean, then at least I could get rid of a good majority of calories.

But I realize I'll never be good enough. I'll always be a fat-ass. I'll always have a stomach that sticks out and thighs that touch.

So thank you Ana, for helping me realize I'm not good enough, and for motivating me to be better. I hope this reaches you and you'll write back really soon.