Hiiiiiii
Ok carry on, 😂
———
It had been a week since I'd seen and spoke to Jaxson
I'm such a shitty person
"Can you please tell me? Why did you run?" Cole as- no begs
"Because I'm afraid and a total dickhead" I mumble before screaming into my pillow
"Why not just tell him why your so afraid"
"Because then he'll know I lied about our family being perfect" I scream again
"Ok, so?" He screams into my other pillow
I stare at him "what I wanted to be included" he mumbles
"What am I supposed to say; oh my dad has a stable job, our oldest brother is an alcoholic not to mention a drug addict, our other brother is high most of the time, oh and so are you and Reese is" I stop "Oh I held my best friend while she died in my arms after getting shot but then again so did my mum so it's alright, right?, oh and I saved my twin brother who got shot because our brother couldn't pay"
"YES IF YOU HAVE TOO" he yells before pulling em from the bed and shoving me into the bathroom
"I miss him too" Cole surprises me by stroking through the door, thank god for shower curtains
I lean my head on the tiles "Just tell him the truth; all of it, if he loves you which he does then he'll accept you, it's not our fault our family is so fucked up" he mumbles
"Plus I'm not doing that shit anymore and from what I can tell your not smoking weed anymore" he says
"Yeah I stopped" I reply
"When?" he asks
"A few weeks after I met Jax" I smile "he hated it" I say
"Ew your so whipped I want to literally throw my guts up and jump out a window buttt I won't because I'm so amazing and kind" he laughs at himself
Dickhead
"I know you just called me a dickhead"
The fuck
"Twin telepathy" he jokes "kidding you said it out loud" he mumbles before leaving the bath room
I get out grabbing the towel and placing the clothes he got me on
I throw some random shoes on
I'm going to win him back
"Go get your man, whoop whoop" Cole and Jess start laughing
Assholes
I curse way too much around them, Jesus
I soon come to his room; 214
I breathe before knocking, no answer, I knock again
The door swings open and Jax stands there looking angry
It soon calms when he sees me "did you need something?" He questions
"I want to talk" I say quietly looking down
He moves to the side letting me in before locking the door, I look over to him
"Just making sure you don't run" he mumbles
"Are you home alone" I ask, he nods
I sit on the couch before standing up and grabbing the bottle of wine from the fridge
"What I need a drink for this?" I mumble at his questioning gaze
I sit down next to him
"I lied; my family isn't perfect like yours, my dad has a stable job and is happy however my eldest brother is an alcoholic and a drug addict, you won't see him without one of those, Cole used to be high most of the time and so did I, our second oldest brother is also the same." I took a swig of the wine "When I was eight my eldest brother was eighteen; he couldn't pay his dealers and they shot my mum in front of me, I couldn't save her; she died in my arms. When I was ten, I went to the park with my best friend, my eldest brother didn't pay them again; they shot her, she died in my arms as well, they didn't mean to shoot her though, they were aiming for me to give my brother a warning . Then when I was fourteen Cole couldn't pay and they beat him till he was almost dead at least he survived right" I took a swig "The two people closest to me died in my arms, that does a number on you"
"That doesn't explain why your afraid of being loved, and why wouldn't you just tell me the truth"
I shush him taking a sip "I'm getting there, when I was five my parents argued all the time, one argument got so bad she pushed him out the door; he fell back and cracked his head open, I thought surely that's not what loves like, you sit and talk it out, right? Never once did they talk it, they shouted, chucked things at each other the only time they were civil was at my grandmas; I used to pray that we got to stay there because it was the one time they acted like parents; then mum died. And we all broke slowly."
"Even after they treated each other like shit, they still always went back to each other. No matter what one did to the other, no matter how they made each other feel they always ended up together promising each other this was the last argument; but it wasn't, it never was. I started assuming all love was full of arguments and people hurting each other and putting one another in the hospital, but then I met you and I slowly fell in love with you"
"I'm so so so sorry baby" he says pulling me to him, I wrap my arms around him and sob into him
"You love me?" He suddenly questions, I nod
"I'm sorry I ran, I was so afraid, I know you'd never hurt me, but the feelings I get consume me and I'm afraid if I rely on you too much I'll end up the same way"
"Oh baby, I'd never hurt you, I love you so much, I'd never call you names, I'd never chuck things at you, our love is ours, there's don't dictate us, I'm sorry that's what you think you deserve" he mumbles kissing my forehead
"I don't deserve you" I mumble kissing his lips
"Nah I don't deserve you, and it's been too long since I've kissed you" he mumbles kissing me once more
"Jax, you deserve the world, and I'm going to give it to you" I say smashing my lips to his once more before yawning
"Let's go to sleep" he says pulling me to his room
And then we fall asleep in each other's arms, and everything feels so light and for once I forget the past that holds me down and if roger the drama of my life
———
I'm so shook, that shit is full of emotion
And for once it's not the guy whose been an asshole! Are you proud?
I am
I wrote way to much and my cat is curled up at the end of my bed, gotta love my boiiii. Ohhh and I'm listening to Billie Eilish, gotta love some billie ♥️
Okay bye guys 👏👋♥️🤣
