That day that I discovered you had moved lives
I didn't even register it.
I cried but it didn't feel real.
The next day, I broke
Crying in the morning, my grandmother didn't even speak to me
She was kind to me for a week aftee that.
In the morning I went to the table and hugged my friend, I don't usually hug people so she asked what was wrong and I explained to her that you passed away.
She gave me a look of sadness.
Everyone at the table had looks of sadness and depression as I just sat there because nobody knew how to help.
My friend ari walked up and made the comment " jeeze why does everybody look like someone just died"
And everyone got angry with her
I told her it was okay and I know she didn't mean what she had said. She looked very shaken up and confused by everyones sudden burst of anger.
That morning I walked class to class explaining to all of my teachers that I wished not to he disrupted and that If I walked out randomly it was because of the situation that had just occurred.
You would have asked me why I went to school.
My response is, I know you would have wanted me to.
So I went.
Word spread quickly and soon enough everyone knew.
People just looked at me with sad smiles and I even recieved hugs from people I had never talked to before.
I just continued about my day ready for first hour.
In first hour I was called to the counselor.
The entire time I was walking there I was becoming angry with every thought in my head.
Thinking fuck this school for not understanding I just want a day to myself.
They tried to hand me a damn packet explaining how to handle grief.
And the first thing I said was
"Fuck you."
And I left, skipped first hour and went to second.
As if a packet can reverse or help the cause of events that have occured within the last 24 hours of my life.
So I said the first thing that was on my mind.
I still think about it.
About you.
I didn't make it.
I didn't last the whole day.
I walked out of school and went home.
And nobody said anything.
I didn't even go to school the next day, I had done what you would have wanted.
It was my turn.
So I stayed home.
With my friend, who was ten times more visually distraught then I was..
She looked how I felt mentally.
And I was grateful for the fact that I didn't look upset.
I came to school monday and nobody said a word about it.
I love them for that.
I'm sorry they did this to you.
And that not one of them listened when we said you needed help.
I love you so much liya.
I still think of you
Every day.
This song is what I listened to all day when I went to school.
Innocent and all- colour revolt
