flashback » bxb

1. before

It was pointless and stupid really, but I couldn't help it. It's not like I could have just stopped loving him. As much as I would have liked to, and even thought it would've been so much easier, I couldn't stop loving my best friend.

Charlie Harrison used to be the most beautiful boy I had ever met. And I had met so many other boys - but it was always only him. Ever since we first became friends when we both joined school together at the same time. We were both new, you see, and so we immediately stuck to each other. Even back then I knew something was different with him. I knew that I liked him just a little more and a little deeper than my other friends. But for so long I ignored it, because I was scared and stupid and in denial. I told myself it was nothing. Until I couldn't anymore. That's the thing with Charlie, he's hard to ignore. The way he would smile at me with his fragmented smile and deep blue eyes, and run his fingers through his short floppy hair, and laugh - deep and loud - and make me feel so damn special. So, in the end, I just accepted it.

I was in love with Charlie Harrison.

-

"Oi, Elliot!" Charlie's voice rang out over the field.

I was lost in thought, thinking about the game we just had, and how well we did, winning so easily. My heart was still beating fast from the physical exertion. I was chugging water from my drink bottle, watching the opposing team leave the grass. I had forgotten about my own teammates in the process. But when I heard Charlie, my head snapped round and I was brought back into reality. He was standing over with the rest of the team near the exit. He short dark hair was windswept and messy and his cheeks flushed. My stomach fluttered at the simple sight of him, he looked so easily beautiful even after a intense game of hockey.

"Coming!" I called back, and started jogging over to his and the rest of our friends. My hockey stick clutched under my arm and my drink bottle in my right hand. As I got closer to him, I slowed down and gave him a big grin.

He grinned back, the kind of smile that reached his brilliant blue eyes and crinkled them at the edges. Then Charlie slung his arm over my shoulders and pulled me closer as we walked out of the field with our teammates. "Good fucking game, aye?" Charlie laughed.

By then, I had gotten good at controlling myself and controlling my heart from skipping a beat. After so many years of loving that boy, I had mastered the art of pretending like he didn't affect me. So when we walked, steps synchronised and bodies adjacent, his arm lazily slung around me, I pretended like it didn't make my heart start beating faster. He smelt like grass and sweat and cologne and I wanted nothing more than to be enveloped by his scent. He was almost intoxicating. But like I said, after all those years of loving him, this was nothing new, and I had gotten used to feeling this way. Newsflash, Charlie always smelt good and I always wanted to be enveloped by him.

"Great game, we fucking destroyed them, man," I replied cheerfully, before taking another swig from my water bottle. I felt elated, absolutely over the moon at winning the game. Plus, it was Friday which meant I had the whole weekend ahead of me and I knew a lot of it would be spent with Charlie.

"You two coming to Mick's?" Frankie turned around and asked, as we entered the locker room. 'Mick's' was a local diner place that most people our age hung out in - mainly because they did the best milkshakes and curly fries. It was almost a hockey tradition to go to Mick's after winning a game.

Most guys in the team were nice, and I got along with them. Me and Charlie both joined at the same time, and so by now they all realised that we were usually a package deal. If one went, then so did the other.

"Of course we are!" Charlie hollered. He held up his hand to Frankie for a high five before running his hand through my dirty blonde hair, playfully messing it up further.

There was nothing I wanted more than to close my eyes and relish in the feeling of his fingers through my curls, and wished that maybe in a different circumstance, it could mean something different. But it didn't, it was just him being stupid, just him being my best mate. And so, I reacted like I usually did, swatting his hand away and shaking my head vigorously. I jokingly muttered at him to 'fuck off', and he chuckled. Because we we still stood so close, his arm still over my shoulders, connecting us both, when he chuckled, I felt the deep reverberations within me. It was such a lovely sound.

"Great, we're going in fifteen minutes, so get changed," Frankie winked and sauntered off.

"Ok, cool," I said as he disappeared into the showers.

Finally, Charlie removed his arm from around me. I suddenly felt much colder and less secure - making remember how much an effect that he had on me. Something about him was sturdy and comforting, and everything about him was familiar. When he left my side, I wanted nothing more than to have him back - or for something more; to hold him in my arms and hug him or to let our lips touch and to kiss him. After so many years, I had given up forbidding myself from imaging us kissing.

At first, I hated myself for it, I felt so dirty and wrong, so I wouldn't let myself. But it got too hard, because everything inside me yearned for him. Yearned to hold him close, yearned to feel his lips against mine, to inhale his scent and let my hands roam his skin. And as I grew older, I realised maybe it wasn't so dirty and wrong to want to kiss him.

And even now, in the locker room after the game, both us us covered in mud and grass stains and flushed from running around, I still desperately wanted to kiss him. To wrap my arms around his waist and pull our bodies close and to kiss him senseless. I wanted to make him breathless just like he was after each game, and I wanted his fingers tangling in my blonde curls.

If only he knew, and if only he felt the same way.

"Ready?" Asked Charlie, ten minutes later. He had shoved on a clean T-shirt and ripped black jeans. Obviously, he looked good, and I had to stop myself from staring at him for too long.

I nodded, giving him a grin. "Ready."

-

first chapter!!

so, a lil explanation of this book and the characters. it will be set in two different points in time - changing each chapters. one time will be in elliot's past, from his perspective. and the other will be the present/future and will be third person.

as for characters...

elliot.
full name: elliot morgans
general appearance: around 5"10-ish. dark blonde hair that's curly - i'm sorta imagining troye sivan-esque curls and length, but just a darker colour. warm brown eyes and cute lil freckles on his face. so basically like a younger troye sivan but with darker hair and brown eyes. sorta??
age: in the past he is 17, but when it's the present/future he has turned 18.

charlie.
full name: charlie harrison
general appearance: about the same height as elliot, maybe a little shorter. inky brown hair, floppy and kinda wavy. dark blue eyes and a cuTe crooked smile. tan and toned ;);));;)
age: 17 but a few months older than elliot.

as i introduce more characters, i'll talk about them more, don't worry.

also, this is my first boyxboy story, so be gentle with me pleaseeeee. any friendly constructive criticism is definitely welcome :)

please don't be a silent reader!! vote and comment!

thanks x