Long La(o)st Friendship

Memory-2

  "That is it, girl. You have the answer" again my chain of thoughts was successfully broken by my Maya's voice. I looked at her confusingly. She signed "Love is not something which can be forced by external factor. It should come within you. I know what happen in your case. You need not worry about that" She explained.    

"How am I not suppose to worry ? I lost my friend, I lost his trust, I ruined our friendship. Neither I was loyal to my friend nor to my friendship. He is the greatest friend whom anyone would wish to have. But I betrayed him. What will he think about me?" I said remembering the words he said to me on that day, 'I thought you were not like other girls. but you proved me wrong'. I can still hear those words in my ears, sound and clear.

"I feel guilty for what I have done. It is making me restless, Maya. Those words keep on ringing in my ears. I hate myself for this" I said choking trying not to show the vulnerable state of mine.But whom do you think Maya Muralitharan is she caught me. I thought she is going to scold me.But to my surprise, the exact opposite happened. She held my hand and consoled me "Its okay Anu" and that is it I lost all my control and started to cry.

I cried remembering that day. The day which changed me to what I am now. The day I ruined my friendship. The day I lost him as a friend. The last day of Anamika's and Rudra's friendship. The purest and sacred friendship, until I made it corrupted.

Today I  am going to tell what I feel for him. RUDRA. I made myself clear that it is better for us if I let him know. I couldn't hide that I am attracted towards him and I find it difficult for me to even speak with him normally. I don't  like this feel. My conscience is killing me. 

I too have a dream to love a man madly, deeply and insanely. I have a dream boy too. But unfortunately I couldn't fit Rudra in that character. I don't know why?  Neglecting all the thoughts, I gained some courage to tell him that I am disturbed because of him. I don't know how he will react. But I am ready for his reactions. Will he scold me? Will he hang up the phone call? what if he slaps me?SLAPP??? No he will not do that . I know about Rudra, he is not that bad, moreover he can't slap me through phone right.All these thoughts are driving me crazy. Whatever it may be. 

If he says "Yes", I  will love him as I love my parents. I will protect him, I will care for him, I will fight against the  world to make him happy, I will do anything for his happiness. All these seems to be boy's dialogue right. Do they have copy rights or what? Lets break the stereotypes, Dude.If he says "No", I will be the happiest person in the whole world. That is not a big deal we both can still be great friend as usual. "Rudra, please say 'no' to me" I prayed.

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