My Life Story

Times Change Us

Published: 3rd February 2019
Edited: 27th December 2021

~~~~~~~~~~~TW: Mention of Suicide~~~~~~~~~~

On my way

As I grew older and older, and started to learn more about me and the people around me. My mother felt it was finally time that I met her partner at the time, I didn't want to. But, nonetheless she made me anyway. We drove in a car to his house, and I spent more or less the whole morning there because I quote on quote "I don't want your dad knowing that you've met him". My dad wasn't stupid, he knew exactly where we were going and who we were seeing as soon as he saw her trying to sneak us out the house.

I hated her boyfriend, he used to be in the military so I was absolutely terrified of him. They were together for 6 years until he cheated on her with someone he met at the local pub. She found out from his sister and some friends who were there on the day. I couldn't help but smile as I found out, but that smile soon faded as I saw her slip into clinical depression. As her and my older sister had fallen out due to an event at Christmas the previous year, she only had me to rely on.

So I spent days and nights listening to her weep and cry on me. Some days I couldn't handle it so I would tell her to fuck off or to piss off and leave me alone. I agree it wasn't the best way of approaching things but I was tired and exhausted from school and looking after her.

She would yell at me; quote on quote. "I want to kill myself, I can do it so easily just by doing {insert method here}"
At the time I didn't think anything of it, but due to her bursts of outrage and gaslighting me, I started to realise that for years and years that I was depressed and only years later did I notice.

Years before all this, I had an online friend called Renzo, or Ren for short. He made me happy for a short while, I thank him for it nonetheless. We would talk for hours and hours and just play Roblox together. I thought no one could care more then he did, he was like a brother to me.

He was the sweet and most caring boy, I had ever met back then. Most boys back then wouldn't give two shots about me and still probably wouldn't now. I knew him for atleast 3-5 years before we started talking on discord for the first time. I'm not sure if that time is too accurate, but it's a rough guess. In my eyes, he was the best. Time passed and we grew distant, we would exchange a hey or a hi. It went from every minute, to every hour, to every day, to once a month, to never again. My favourite thing about him was that I gave him a nickname. Magikarp. Why? We were playing a game of Roblox High School and he managed to gravity coil into the floor and he ended up flopping around like a fish trying to get out and we just finished a conversation about Pokémon. Due to this, he gave me one in return. I was deemed to be called 'shortcake', I hated it. He called it me only because I was shorter then him and I preferred cake over pie. But as he called it me more, I realised I didn't mind it as much as I did.

He was the only good-thing I had going on in my life back then. But as we drifted apart I began to sink deeper and deeper into depression and I didn't even realise unti I was much older, I thought it was just a phase and that it would go off. But it never did, and it still hasn't.

24/7, helping, caring, correcting, or playing. That's all we ever did. He spoke English rather well considering his first language is dutch, but sometimes he needed help with grammar in his writing so he would always send it to me to proof read it before sending it off anywhere.

A true bonding moment for us was when he told me that he wanted to confess to his crush that he liked her but he was too nervous and awkward to do it, so me being the good friend I was, i sat talking to him for about an two hours convincing him that he could do it and that he just needs to have confidence in himself. Later on, I found out that he did it but he did it so oddly that I couldn't help but laugh.

Those were good times.