Hell Froze Over*Avengers*Captain America*Reader*

10) From Mars to Venus and Back

AKA Flashforward no.2.

-.-.-

"I wish mom was here instead of you! She would have let me!"

The words were replaying in Steve's head for the millionth time and yet they were still cutting into his heart as if she said them for the first time.

'I wish mom was here instead of you.'

In moments like this... Steve wished you were more than ever. He was the lucky one to get some time to spend with their daughter, he was the one lucky enough to be alive, but sometimes... sometimes the dark thoughts overwhelmed him and he couldn't see the appeal.

He missed you. God he missed you so badly, not just like a mother to his child - who was far from a child now, nearing her sweet sixteen - but as a friend, as a partner as... as a lover too. Heavy pit was settled in his stomach, his chest felt like in a vice. Sometimes he missed you so badly he could barely breathe.

It was exhausting to wear the façade - while there were moments he was genuinely happy, it seemed impossible not to feel the absence. Every time he felt the light of laugh and happiness wash over him, the longing followed soon enough. A silent wish you could be there with him to witness your daughter's first steps, first school day, the day she controlled some of her power for the first time-

His fingertips traced your features in the picture unwittingly and he felt fresh tears roll down his cheeks, the loneliness washing over him like a tide wave, flooding his lungs and making his ribcage burn. You looked beautiful in the photo - your usually lean figure was just slightly affected, only making the delicious curves of your body stand out; perfected by the round belly Steve's hands was lovingly covering with his palm, his lips pressing a chaste kiss to your temple.

The photo was an equivalent of joy and love - an empty promise of more delight coming. It had come; but no matter how much Steve cherished the chance to hold his daughter, he all too often couldn't help the feeling that the blessing came with too high of a price. Your life. If he had known- if he had known from the moment you had announced him you were pregnant, that you would die, would he do anything differently? Would he willingly give up the miracle of another life, piece of him and you, growing under your heart? If he had known how many beautiful moments Grace would bring?

A loud knock stopped that train of thoughts and Steve quickly wiped away his tears, setting the photo aside, picture down.

"Yeah?"

Dammit, his voice sounded too hoarse. He cleared his throat in poor attempt to fix it.

He couldn't supress the disappointment when the redhead woman appeared in the doorway instead of his daughter. He was secretly hoping Grace would come and... maybe even apologize for what she had said several hours ago.

But guess she wouldn't, right? She had nothing to apologize for. It was how she felt. She meant it. She would prefer her mother to be alive, even if it would mean Steve himself wouldn't be. It wasn't a fair trade, but he would be a hypocrite if he claimed that this thought (or the thought of choosing between Grace and you) had never crossed his mind, no matter how ashamed he always felt after.

It was logical. Grace was a woman and especially lately, Steve sensed that a distance started growing between him and his daughter, he couldn't replace or even try to replace her mother and... and it hurt. But truth often did. He could only wonder whether he was being a decent father at least, for god's sake.

"This better not be a self-pity I'm sensing, Rogers."

Steve sighed, letting his head fall into his palms. No Grace meant no fixing things, but it also meant he didn't necessarily need to pretend to be strong.