Married But Alone

Chapter 9

Francis has just finished sealing his letter for Mary when Queen Catherine walked inside his room

“Francis, why are you still up? You need to rest now” Queen Catherine said demandingly

“I was just writing a letter to Mary, I’ll sleep soon, what about you, why are you still awake, mother?” Francis answered

“I was just checking up on you dear, how are you feeling?”

“mother, that’s the fifth time you ask me that today”

“I’m just worried about you Francis, Nostradamus said you’re not getting any better, the medicines that you’re taking are all ineffective” Catherine said while holding Francis’ hand

“You don’t have to worry about me mother”

“but I can’t help it, you’re my son, France’s heir to the throne, I’m not the only one worried about you, the whole nation is.”

“well they don’t have to be, you should worry more about father, how is he? He visited me earlier and he seems fine, does he still take his medicine?”

“he does, but he is far from fine, but don’t you worry about your father, I can handle him”

“I’m worried” Francis said with unease

“I told you, you don’t have to worry about your father”

“not about father, about Mary”

“What about her?”

“she hasn’t responded to my letter yet, that’s why I wrote another, maybe she wasn’t able to receive the one I sent two weeks ago”

“why don’t you just let me go to her, mother? Please I beg of you” Francis added pleadingly

“you are sick Francis, what if something happens to you on your way there? We’ve already discussed this and I won’t change my decision, why don’t you just tell Mary to go here?”

“I don’t want her to see me like this, and Scotland needs her there, I don’t want to make her choose between me and her country”

“have you at least told her about your condition? You know it very well that she’ll find out sooner or later, and it’s best that she heard it first from you. Word of you being ill is spreading like wildfire in France alone, tell her now before it’s too late.”

“I already mentioned it in this letter, I’ll send it tomorrow, I just hope that she wouldn’t worry about me too much, she’s already carrying too many burdens right now, I don’t want to burden her too”

“what do you expect? She’s your wife, of course she’ll be worried and Francis, you’re anything but a burden, please stop speaking like that and get some rest, I’ll visit you again tomorrow”

Catherine stroked Francis’ face one last time and left the room, but Francis is still awake. He thinks of Mary while he lies on his bed, he tried to remember everything about her, her beautiful brown eyes, her stunning smile, her playful giggles, her distinctive smell and her long wavy hair. And for a moment he wondered if he will ever get to see her face again.

~^oOo^~

A few days later

“You asked for me mother?” Mary asked her mother as she walks slowly to the comfy chair beside the fireplace

“Oh Mary, I’ve got some dire news from France” her mother said full of melancholy

“What is it mother?” Mary suddenly became very nervous

“Your husband is unwell” her mother said with minimal voice

“unwell? Wha- how- why?” Mary said clearly shocked and devastated about the news she just heard, she hasn’t heard from Francis for the last two weeks and he never mentioned to her that he’s sick

“I don’t know Mary, you should ask Francis yourself, news that travels here isn’t entirely accurate, write him a letter and confirm if this news is true” and with that Mary stormed out of her mother’s room and went directly to her bed chambers. Moments later, she found an unopened letter from Francis, she remembers it now, days ago she received a letter from her husband and she didn’t even bother to open it because she was still angry with him. And now she regrets that awful decision of hers and began reading the letter

My dearest Mary,

 

I noticed that you did not respond to my letter so I thought that maybe you’re angry with me, and in truth I can’t really blame you if you do. I have failed you in so many ways, I failed as your husband, I failed as your king and I failed on keeping my promises to you and for that I’m truly sorry. I know you might not forgive me for not telling you the truth earlier, but please do understand that I don’t want to burden you with my problems, I haven’t helped you with anything for the last five months, I wasn’t there when you needed me, I wasn’t there when you’re alone, I wasn’t there to rule by your side and I would feel bad if I load you with problems you weren’t supposed to bear so I thought it best if you simply didn’t know, but I’m telling you know because I don’t want you to know it from someone else. I would have wanted to tell you there myself but circumstances seem to be so determined to keep us apart.

 

 I have an ear infection Mary, at first I thought it wasn’t so serious but later I found out that this could be life threatening, I don’t mean to scare you, I just don’t want you to hold on to false hope. I’m not saying that I’m dying; I’m just saying that the possibility of me dying is extremely high.

 

I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I know that all the apologies in the world wouldn’t be enough for you to forgive me, but still, I just wanted you to know that I really am sorry. I’m sorry for all the things I did that hurt you, but most of all, I’m sorry for bringing you pain.

 

I don’t know if we will see each other, maybe we will, maybe we won’t, of all the uncertainties in the world, there is only one thing I’m sure of;

 

I love you, I’ll always do.

 

Love,

Francis

Mary is crying now, some of the writings are smudged by her tears. Ever since she was a child she always thought that crying will somehow relieve the pain that you’re feeling inside, and when you’re done crying, you will feel so much better, but now she proves to herself that that isn’t true, because she knows it deep inside that even though she cries a thousand tears, it won’t be enough to ease the pain.