In the Language of the Flowers

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✾ Yellow Hyacinth ✾

I was going mad. That seemed the only viable explanation. I hated the thought that it could be anything else. Whatever that anything else could be, I wanted to ignore it. It was silly. Unnecessary. Not something I could let happen.

Worse, it was a bad habit.

My phone rang, stirring me from my thoughts. I was out on the balcony enjoying the closest thing to fresh air the city could offer. I stared at my phone for a long time before answering. "Hello."

"How are things? Wasn't today the first day?" she asked.

I sighed and watched a man far below me on the street drop a cigarette on the sidewalk and stamp on it. "It was the first day. He's not back yet, though. I haven't seen him."

"Isn't it late there?"

"It's only four."

"Oh, that's not too late. Maybe he made friends, and he's out with them. That's a good thing," she said.

"I'm not worried," I answered. It was a lie, though. Strange. Beau hadn't even been gone a full day, and I already felt his absence like a hole in my chest. I was worried about him. He insisted that he was fine, but he was still new to the city. I just wanted him to be back home and safe. Because that's what this place was now. It was his home.

I had considered calling Beau multiple times but stopped myself short just before hitting the green call button again and again. It all came full circle. I just wanted him to be back. I wanted to see him again. But worse, I didn't want to want to see him. At first, it had been fine. It had made sense. But now, I was confused. Maybe having him gone from my life for the first time in a while had made me realize that I was relying on him more than I should have been.

"He'll be back," I said.

"Of course he will, dear," she said, pausing nervously. "I am glad to talk to you and to hear from you."

"I know," I said. "I'm sorry that it had been so long."

"I hate to think that you've reconnected with me just because of this friend of yours," she said suddenly.

I hesitated. She'd hit the nail on the head. I'd only called my mother to ask her to pull some strings for Beau at NYU. She was a bit of a wealthy big shot with ties to the school. I'd had a falling out with my mother years ago, and yet Beau's need to get into NYU had somehow seemed more important than everything that had gone wrong between us. So I'd called her. "No, that's not why," I said, sighing again. "It's been a long time. Thanks for calling in a favor for him. He needed it."

"He did, or you did?" she asked. I said nothing. She cleared her throat. "I'm sorry. It's not my place."

"It's ok, mom," I said.

"Would it...could we have lunch sometime? I'll be in the city in a couple of weeks. I hope that's not an outlandish request."

I nodded even though she couldn't see it. "Ok. Yeah. We can do that."

"Wonderful," she said quietly. "Let me know how it goes with your new friend, dear."

"Ok, mom. Bye."

I brought up Beau's name on my screen again, wondering if I should call him to make sure he was ok. But if he weren't ok, he would have already called me, right? Unless he was mugged, or something. But that was unlikely. Then again...

I groaned and resisted the urge to drop my phone off of the balcony just so that I wouldn't have to dwell on this any longer.

An idea formed in my head. The very beginnings of the thought were enough for me to accept it as valid even though I had no clue how it would turn out. But I had to do something. I wanted to get my mind off of him.