Dysphoria

Chapter One

The glowing amber of the setting sun brought a familiar warmth to my compact room and a hazy atmosphere to make anyone feel instantly nonchalant and slightly dazed. The walls are a pale grey but against the intense luminescence of the sun, it’s transition into a fluorescent pink, somehow seems appropriate. I stand before my wide french window and stare at the scenery before me. The towering pine trees surround the house and gather close together at my window, however, through the thick branches of dark green leaves the streaks of light sneak through. Throughout winter, the window is covered in frost and the trees prevent snow from covering the glass. Which is fortunate for me since my room still achieves sunlight from the warm sun. In the summer, the trees serve as a shelter from the intense heat and allow my room to be conveniently cool after a long day in stuffy classrooms and long sleeve shirts. When Alpine County have thunderstorms and heavy rain, the strong pitter-patter against the glass is faded out by the rustling leaves against the wind and performs a rhythm as a lullaby to drowse me into a deep slumber. It’s my only shield to protect me against the harsh reality.
From the view of my window at a particular position in my room, you can see a dirt path leading through the tall trees and to the wide endless river where the sky meets land. The river is vast with clear water showing the rocky bottom below. Schools of different breeds fish swim around here and are in their natural habitat of the location. There are surrounding rocks that I sit on whenever I’m down there to relax and brood. It’s my favourite place to be.
I throw the book against the end of my bed and it bounces against the mattress and hits the floor with a thud. I drop my head and rub my temples in clockwise circles. My eyes are blurry from reading page after page and my hand is weak from writing in my book for more than two hours so far. I unwind my legs from beneath me and stand up where I stretch my back, arms, legs and neck. I organise my books neatly on my desk opposite my bed where I started my studying but ended up on my bed to be more comfortable but only to achieve an aching back. I wander into the kitchen where I throw the refrigerator open and instantly shake my head. The strong stench of alcohol and rotten food fill my nostrils and I shut the refrigerator door quickly.
What was I expecting to see? Layers and layers of fresh and healthy food? I turn around and reach for an apple in the fruit bowl and take a big bite. The apple will suffice for dinner tonight and tomorrow’s breakfast. I sit on the lounge and flick through the magazine left on the stained coffee table where several empty beer bottles are sprawled on the surface and cigarette butts are overflowing the ashtray. The silence of the bare house offers a wave of relief to wash over me and I finally exhale deeply and begin to relax.
“Mariana, where are ya?”
I jolt upright in my seat and open my eyes widely in complete shock. I rub my eyes with my hand and yawn. I must’ve fallen asleep. I instantly stand and the breath gets caught in my throat. I didn’t clean up at all! The place still looks like an absolute mess and Michael is home. My heart beats to the theme of Jaws and I feel my breathing turn into short and haste breaths. I tie my hair instantly in a bun as I approach the kitchen. The strong scent of whiskey and burnt cigarettes fill my nostrils and I start to feel dizzy. He stares at me with his bloodshot eyes as sweat gathers at his temples.
“Good afternoon, Michael. How are you?” I say robotically as I take his coat and hang it on the hooks beside the front door. I kneel down before him to untie his shoes and as he shifts his weight from one foot to the other, I take his shoes off and place them on the shoe stand.
“Ah what’s it to you?” He replies and pushes past me. I lose balance and stumble backwards as Michael storms into the kitchen to retrieve a bottle of beer. I rush into the lounge room and start to gather the empty bottles and cigarette butts to quickly hide them. But I’m too late…
I turn around at the sound of footsteps stopping behind me and the familiar grumble. “Ya didn’t clean! Ya spoiled little bitch! I ask for one job and ya can’t do that!” He lunges forward and swings a closed fist at my face. I cover my head as a reflex and automatically cry in pain as I feel the impact. “Ya rude conceited bitch! I give ya a roof over ya head and all!” He throws another punch and another. I’m on the floor in a fetal position with my hands covering my head. Tears fill my eyes and I swallow the large lump growing in my throat as he continues to shout insults and hurtful remarks about me that gradually become just background noise like a radio left on in the other room. I cry out in protest but he only continues shouting. Michael kneels down and pinches my ear tightly with his nail digging in hard and I cry out in pain as I rise onto my knees. His face is inches from mine and I continue to cry in pain as I feel something wet trickle down my face. The familiar red ooze which I’ve come to know drips from the agony of the intense pinching.
“Listen here,” He starts with his gaze stuck on my eyes. “When I’m gone, ya should clean, cook and do what a respectable daughter should do for their father! You impertinent and inconsiderate child! Clean it!” He pushes my head violently against the floor before dropping his hand from my bleeding ear and storming into his room.
I stay on the cold floor holding my trembling body as tears fall mine from my eyes and down my rosy warm cheeks. My ear continues to bleed as the ringing Michael caused from pinching it tightly spreads into my head as a throbbing sensation. I reach for my ear and cover it in hopes to prevent the bleeding from spreading but after a moment or two, my vision begins to turn blurry. I try blinking to clear it but it only makes me feel light headed.
“I have to clean this place,” I mumble softly as I try to stand up. I roll over onto my hands and knees as my breathing transitions into an unsteady pace and my head continues to throb. I inhale a deep long breath before getting up onto my feet. The room begins to spin around me and I stumble over my feet as I aimlessly wander toward the coffee table. My vision becomes double and I fall to the floor with a thud. Everything goes black.