𝘠𝘰𝘶'𝘳𝘦 𝘮𝘺 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘭𝘥 ❦

Namjoon is suffering from depression

⚠️WARNING! MENTIONS OF SELF-HARM AND CUTTING! PLEASE READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!⚠️

Namjoon woke up and everything was going fine. He woke up, ate breakfast, and headed to his studio to record a new song. He hadn't seen Jin in four hours and he hasn't called or texted to make sure the younger was okay. What if Jin didn't love him anymore. What if he was just using him? All these thoughts were running through his head it was like he was drowning in them. He couldn't stop the voices he heard. 'You're a pig. Jin would never love you. He found someone better. Someone who's not a disgusting little freak!' No matter how much namjoon tried, the voices kept getting louder and louder until he was crying. He didn't wanna think of a world without Jin as his caregiver/boyfriend. But that's what his mind wanted him to think. He knew he would never be enough for jin. He ran out of his studio and walked into the bathroom connected to his and Jin's shared room. He took out a box of new razor blades. He bought them about a month ago, but he promised Jin he would stop. He tore open the box and grabbed one of the very sharp blades. He then rolled up his sleeve and cut. One cut. Two cuts. Three cuts. More and more. By this point he had about 8 cuts on each arm. He had forgotten blood triggered his little space. He dropped the now blood soaked blade and started crying. He missed Jin. His hugs, his kisses, his cuddles. He just missed him. He cleaned up his wrists and rolled his sleeve down. He hoped Jin wasn't expecting him to show him his arm.

                        💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔

Jin walked into the house only to find it mainly empty. He didn't see Namjoon's coloring books or sippy cups anywhere. He had just assumed namjoon had cleaned them up but they weren't in the sink. At this point Jin was getting worried about his precious angel. He dashed upstairs to see namjoon asleep. Tear stained face and red puffy eyes. He knew he was the cause of this. Jin had gotten so busy he had forgotten to write a note and text him telling him he would be busy. Jin grabbed Namjoon's wrist gently but the younger flinched (visibly) in his sleep. Jin was pissed and curious now. He carefully rolled up joonie's sleeve to see what he was hiding. He was right. There were fresh cuts all up and down his arm/wrist. He promised him he was getting better. Jin didn't wanna think this was because of him, but he knew it was. He started tearing up. He doesn't wanna lose namjoon. He gently shook namjoon awake. At this point Jin was sobbing. He looked at his baby and said "honey why did you hurt yourself? Daddy needs his angel here with him." Namjoon has full on slipped into a 3 year old headspace. He was crying and he said "da voices twold Joonie dat daddy no wove him anymowe." Jin knew what he was talking about. When Namjoon has severe depression he hears these tiny voices in his head telling evil and vile things. He didn't wanna think that he could lose his angel. He picked namjoon up bridal style and took him to the bathroom. There he gently rolled up his sleeves and started disinfecting his cuts. Namjoon flinched and started crying because it stung so bad. After they were done, namjoon makes grabby hands for the older. He picked him up, walked into the living room, and set him down in front of the tv for cartoons. Namjoon sat there watching courage the cowardly dog until Jin told him it was time for dinner. Namjoon ate all his food and Jin and Namjoon cuddled on the couch. This kid would truly be the death of him.

"I wish you could see me the way I see myself"