(Invisible) Red Thread

Chances

We go back to school to our last class, but as if a cloud had entered inside my head, I cannot comprehend a single word the English teacher says to us. All I do is lean my chin on my desk and, when sleep takes over me and I put my head over my arms, Gina explains to the teacher that I'm not feeling very well. She lets me get out of the classroom early and I drive directly home.

When I get there, I realize that I haven’t done a single piece of homework, except for Math, in the course of the week and that that, added to today’s absences, won’t give me very good grades in the end. I say hello to Mary, who makes a surprised face when she sees that I arrived earlier than usual; I let her continue with her chores and I get inside my bedroom to sit down in front of the desk to start my Italian assignment. I try once, but I end up messed up and tangled between verbs and conjugations, so I decide to switch for the Economy homework. Very bad idea!

I drag my feet up to the bed and let myself fall on it with a thud. Even though I feel absolutely tired for the sleepless yesterday night, I don’t immediately fall asleep. My head is a complete mess of names, eyes, words and confusions without speed limit. Even if Gina tries to convince me that Michael is totally crazy for me, I’m rather inclined to Aaron’s hypothesis. What if the kiss was just a test and now he’s convinced the Cynthia is the one he loves? But then, what Gina said gets in the way, about the way Michael acted when he returned. I scream with the pillow pressed to my mouth and I hit the mattress with my closed fists. Because it’s not just Michael’s issue that keeps me awake; the only though of Aaron sends chills down my spine because it’s now that I realize that I have been just seconds away from kissing him. If Gina hadn’t appeared…

I wonder how it would feel. I don’t even know how a true kiss with a real person feels, or I don’t remember. But, is it possible?

Why would he want to kiss me? That question flit inside my head for a couple of seconds, or minutes, maybe hours….

“Where are you?” a high-pitched voice asked from the window, but it’s something silly because the window was closed and I must have been on a very high floor. There couldn’t be anyone, could it? I tried to sit up straight, but my arms gave in for the effort and the needle on my wrist hurt when it moved from its place. “Where are you?” The same childish voice came up to my ears, this time from the closed door.

Whoever it was, they couldn’t have moved that fast from one place to the other. Maybe the voice was just a result of the hallucinations created for the morphine, just maybe.

A few minutes later, my mother came into the room next to a man I didn’t recognize and one nurse. She made me some check that I can’t remember what they were about or why they made them. I just remember that they made me sleep once again for a long time, or it seemed that way to me. When I woke up again it was dark and my mom was sleeping on the armchair beside me with my hand tightly wrapped in hers. In the darkness, I could notice a pair of silver dots one meter from the ground that came from the bathroom door. They became bigger and bigger until, under the dim light of the moon, I saw that they belonged to a tiny girl who couldn’t be older than me.

"Where are you, Momma?"

A long and high-pitched scream jumped out of my mouth and it took me a while to realize it was mine until my mother woke up, the lights turned on and a pair of nurses and a doctor appeared under the threshold. The girl vanished and I started murmuring to my mom over and over again that a ghost had walked in her direction.

I had a hard time breathing in and out and I could even feel my heart beat like a running horse when the doctor gently pushed me down and checked my pulse and the serum connected to my hand. My mom looked at me concerned, but she didn't open her mouth.