completely shameless (Shameless Fanfiction)

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i sat in my room, not knowing what to do, Is all this pain worth it, fuck i'm drunk.

Lips gonna kill me. But what am i supposed to do? i'm a fuck up, just like Monica.

i have bipolar and can't deal with it. Yeah, I don't have it as bad as Ian, but that doesn't change the fact that i have it.

fuck, I think i'm too drunk, am I okay? what the fuck have i done, i'm so dead when Lip finds out. Should I run? What the fuck do I do?

I can't go back to school because Trey ruined my life by sending my nudes to EVERYONE. This is not where i pictured i'd be at 16. I'd have a job, a boyfriend, and i'd be happy. But i'm Vivian Gallagher with bipolar, a drinking problem and anger issues. Fuck, I hate myself. The walls feel like they are caving in on me, all i can do is cry pathetically.

Monica doesn't love me, Frank doesn't love me. What does one do when reaching rock bottom. people always say, "I've reached rock bottom and I don't know what to do." That's exactly the point, you don't know what to do, you sit in your room and mope around, complaining about how your life sucks.

When you're parents are mental and have a drug problem, that's all you know cause that's the kind of environment you "grew up" in. In most house holds you wake up and say, "good morning." but in my house hold you wake up and say, "fuck you."

When you're me, you go to a sleepover and hear a girl say, "my mom does my hair." and when she asks you. You lie. and say, "oh yeah, my mom does my hair too." but in reality my mom is somewhere wasted off her ass, screaming at a pole. Shes not fucking doing my hair, shes never around to.

••••

I walked into school drunk asf but I'm good at acting like I'm not drunk asf.

I was walking to my locker until Jessica Davidson and her guy friends came up to me.

"Oh wow, I guess the rumors aren't true, you aren't a pregnant whore. You're still a whore though." She said smirking at me making her friends laugh.

I snickered. "And you're a bitch!" I said and punched her straight in the nose, making her fall onto the ground. I then bolted out of the school with her friends chasing behind me. They chased me all the way too my house.

I ran so fucking fast looking back and not seeing them. I looked in front of me and they were there, making me run into them.

"Help!" I screamed. But one of the grabbed me, putting their hand over my mouth. "Mm!!!"

They all worked together trying to take my clothes off. I kicked and tried to make noise.

"Hey!" Lip screamed and ran after them with a baseball bat, making them run.

I ran into the house laughing. "GFY MOTHER FUCKER, GFY!" Then slammed the door shut.

I laughed going into the fridge taking out a beer.

Lip finally walking back into the house seeing me with a beer.

He stared at me. "Vivian.. I told you never to fucking drink again." He said through his teeth.

"Tell me why those fucking guys were attacking you."

I shrugged. "No reason."

He gritted his teeth. "Vivian Monica."

I sighed.

"I went to school drunk and punched Jessica Davidson at school."

He walked up to me, grabbed my shirt, but before he could punch me I pushed him.

Making him let go of me. "VIVIAN."

"Just stop lip!" He stopped.

"Okay, I'm sorry." I said breathing hard.

"Vivian I know that mom is never around okay, I get it, I get how it feels. It sucked when I was little and I heard my friends talk about stuff their moms did for them and how awesome their moms were. That didn't feel good and I know how you feel. But you need to accept that mom is never gonna be a mom to you, you can't drink and smoke your problems away, you're killing yourself. I know it's hard, believe me. But you can't give up. You need to accept it and move on."

I started crying at this point. "But it's hard Lip... why doesn't she love me..?" Lip sighed, "Because shes bipolar, an alcoholic and a drug addict."

I sigh. "I'm sorry."

Lip laughs. "It's okay, Vivian. No more drinking though. Please?"

I nod at him and sit on the couch.0