throughout a girl's heart

have mercy on us,soul.

~~
to my dear soul, i beg u my life.
unless you're doing this on purpose, i'm letting u know that u're slowly killing me. honestly, i don't exactly know what 'me' am talking about, all am aware of is that am hurting and shuttering to pieces. not only will this destroy me, but us. no future will be waiting for us my dear soul. and its with complete regret and fear that am telling this.
i didn't treat u well, i admit. but you didn't show me the safe  path either, so we're even.

today you embraced the sad truths that i've been fighting to ignore and left me with no self defence, if you were a little understanding, if we were just a little bit friends you'd know. you'd absolutely know that i'm still healing, that am still not over those terrible other facts better forgotten and never would you hurt me more. Apparently we're not.
yet. i still wanna be friends with you, i still wanna fight and show off my strength, mainly to you and then to the world; people that cannot see me fall apart and panic from were they're standing, far away.

in order to do that with less pressure, i beg my beloved soul for forgiveness. may u forgive me and help me forget.
while am still breathing, please do not let me lose you. my selfishness wants u so bad but i stand helplessly, this evil wind of winter keep dragging me back and forth. i feel nauseous.
these shattered pieces make such a mess in my chest, and yet knowing how to put them back together escapes me.

get me out of this hell, oh and if you could book me a meeting with god how grateful i'd feel.
but before that i wanna accomplish something good, something little that enlightens my mama's mood. u know i owe her a lot, i owe her my life, i owe her you!

oh my soul, i tell you too much and yet you don't seem to understand.
i dnt wanna pple to notice how am breaking, i dnt wanna them to know how pitiful i am, how am left with nothing and no one. i just wanna leave silently, in peace. maybe i'll be given one more chance far in the future.. one more life with fresher air and better start. i'll make sure to tell my wish to god,  when it's all over i'd like to start everything again from the very beginning. Because what hurts the most is the start that i can never fix, and yet i know deep inside me that this start has already decided my future.

i'm fearing the sound of the clock, its fast, time is passing fast and there am getting, to the place i hate the most.

oh, mate,
for this single day, as i am more determined than ever to strengthen our bond, i'll ask u this favor: let me forget those heavy loads screwing my mind, remove their scars,stop the torture they are causing me bcs it's strangely starting to feel sweet, leave no trace of it i beg you. and i promise in return, that i'll try moving forward.

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I know there's someone who'd feel me out there xd