Dependency // L.S. (BoyxBoy)

Chapter 4

       Lounging back on my bed, and opening up my laptop, I type in tumblr. I scroll down my tumblr feed, seeing multiple gay couples, making me think about last night. When I woke up, Harry was gone, and I was strangely disappointed by this.
        Why were so many guys with their shirts off and gay couples on my feed today? Fuck. I should probably stop following blogs that reblog so much gay porn too. Why am I even?
        I mean I had slightly questioned my sexuality before, because being aroused by gay porn probably wasn't the straightest thing in the world. Okay it wasn't. But I heard that girls watched lesbian porn and that they could still be straight, so I just went with that.
          Now, I had begun to question it again. Why else would I be okay with sleeping in Harry's arms all night long? I couldn't even deny it now. I loved it. The feeling of being held was much better than holding some girl, which I'll admit, I had only done once. I had only ever had one serious girlfriend, Hannah, and that was fun, but it was nothing compared to how I felt last night.
           His arms were so warm and inviting, and I felt completely safe in them. And that hair.. it looked so soft. I wanted nothing more than to reach up and wrap one of his curls loosely around my finger last night, but I controlled myself. Why was I thinking about this? Was I really gay? Maybe I'm bisexual?
        I let out a sigh. This was all way too confusing for me to handle right now. Especially when all I could think about was porn. I hadn't watched any gay porn in a long time, and I didn't want to admit why I wanted to right now, but I did.
        Searching for twink porn on tumblr, I shake my head. If I believed in god, I'd probably be thinking about going to hell right now. I unzip my pants, pushing them down to my knees, and push my boxers down too.
           I'm scrolling down my tumblr feed, jerking myself off slowly, when I stumble upon a video with a boy with curly hair. I hesitate. Should I? Fuck it. I click on the video, and watch as the curly haired boy starts jerking off the other boy, the other boy moaning and gripping the curly boys arms. I start to rub faster, moaning quietly. I couldn't help but picture Harry, jerking me off. I couldn't think of anything but him pleasuring me right now.
         Moaning louder, I rub faster, and my back arches slightly off the bed as I cum in the tissue I had grabbed. "Harry!" I moan out, and then lay there as my body relaxes, and I come down from the high.
          As soon as I realize what I did, I automatically feel guilty. Shit. That was creepy. Harry and I weren't even together. Fuck fuck fuck. I am going to hell, if it exsists.

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  I'm so sorry. I can't write masturbation. Especially guy masturbation, since I'm a girl. I hope this wasn't too horrible and you guys won't hate me now. I also hope it wasn't too early for a little bit of sexual. Ily guys a lot, thanks so much for reading c: Also, I'm sorry this chapter is so short. I promise I'll do better next chapter!