This is probably not smart of me to be doing considering I have 10% battery currently, but I'm bored and I haven't been doing much. I need to get my interest and hobbies flowing back. I rarely do anything these days. Don't know what's to blame for that. So let's do one of these. (30 day challenge condensed into hours of typing)
1) Five Problems With Social Media: If you spend too much time on social media it can degrade your mental health, you can find some stuff you don't need to see on there, false things/people's terrible rants, grammar issues, and idk people posting too much.
2) My Earliest Memory: I would say my earliest memory is my first day of preschool. I remember it was all cold outside, and the teacher was showing me around. There was this big as thing you could climb up. It was like one of those things at chicly cheese. Then she took me out to the small little playground thing, because it was recess. There was brown rocks on the playground. And a swing set right in the middle of the playground. I got there at a weird time. Like I started school a month late, and didn't even go for the entire year.
3) My First Love and First Kiss: Can I just say real quick...that I really want to die. Thanks. My first love was my friend when I was like 13. We never dated. We both liked each other at weird times. It was one of those weird things where the timing isn't right; when you're over them, they like you, and then they get over you and you start liking them again. Oof. And my first kiss took me by surprise because I avoided it for as long as I could. For some reason I was scared of it. But that's just me. 🙃 also technically I just let it happen. I remember I was on my period when I had it lol, and I was too tired to do anything about getting kissed.
This is the part where I take a break to charge my dying phone. Can we get a rip in the chat?
4) 10 Interesting Things About Me: these were really hard to come up with bc I'm not an interesting person ._. 1. I can still for clothes I wore back in Jr high 2. I cut my eyebrow hairs with cuticle cutters (send help plz) 3. I've had dreams that later played out in real life 4. I obsessively check my phone ._. 5. I need socks on at all times or I will die 6. anytime I zone out its guaranteed someone will come up and surprise me 7. I am almost always cold 8. my name means a green gemstone and I don't really like the color green (unless it's the eye color) Confusing much? 9. I have hidden freckles that come out when I'm in the sun. They're shy I guess... like me >_< 10. I want French toast 😭
5. A Place I Would Live That I've Never Visited: lemme tell you...I would love where the seals live 😈
6. Someone Who Fascinates Me: That's really hard actually... But probably my mom. She's been through a lot. Like to the point where she could've died, and she's just this amazing, selfless, considerate human being. People have treated her poorly in the past and she's still such a good person with such a good outlook on things. And honestly I admire anyone who can fight things that are hard, and still come out as good people.
7. Tattoos I Have and Their Meaning: this ones kinda hard to do, cause I don't have any tattoos... But for the sake of answering the question I'll draw one on myself with a marker. I drew a heart bc it's close to Valentine's Day.
8. A Book I Love and I Book I Don't: I absolutely loved this book called "The Distance Between Lost and Found", then a book I hated was this weird hamster book. Maybe it was called Humphrey Hamster or something? I don't remember. I was in like 5th grade when I read it, and it was garbage.
9. Feelings on Ageism: Okay so I looked it up, so I could have a basic understanding. Um. I guess it's not really fair. I mean. No type of discrimination is to be fair. I don't think it's nice to discriminate against someone for being too young or too old, but honestly I've been a little mean towards a specific age group..like little kids. Which is horrible. Ageism is not nice.
10. A Fruit I Dislike and Why: 😈😈 fucking star fruit. It tastes like dirty, crunchy water. It's disgusting. It looks cool, but personally I don't like the way it taste.
11. Current Relationship: I aM dAtInG sOmEoNe. Have been since September 24, 2018. And that is going well. There's a lot of affection. My boyfriend giggles a lot, and that might just give me the very will to live. We both want to die sometimes, which is...not good. We do make each other happy though so that is good. 😉
12. Two Words/Phrases That Make Me Laugh: my friend made this one up; cumslut. Love it. Annnnnnnnnnd beaner. It's just a funny memory I have of my brother writing it down on a sheet of paper as a "summary" of our pretend therapy session.
13. Commute To and From Work/School: ha ha I had look up what commute was... ._. Anyway I'm taken to school in a car and ride home on a public school bus. One of them yellow ones.
14. My Life in 7 Years: I'm going to make up two versions; one will be the outcome I hope for, the other is the worst case scenario of my life. Happy: In seven years I'll be 23. And as a 23 year old woman, I've gone to some school that's helped me earn my certificate in doing cosmetics, and I work in a small shop. And this shop is located near a small cafe, so at any time I can run over and get myself a coffee and a donut or something sweet. I work until the evening with people that are friendly and kind. After I'm done working, I go home, and I greet my husband and toddler with hugs and kisses. Then we have dinner and spend quality time together. I call my family every once in a while to see how they're doing. And...I have a pet seal. Sad: I'm 23, and have been drinking since I was 21 because I ruined my own life. I lacked the motivation or enthusiasm to go to cosmetology school, and even failed on falling back on my plan B. When I was 18, my boyfriend realized I was toxic and holding him back, so he ghosts me and eventually I realize what it means. I keep it away from my family, and without realizing it, I isolate myself from everyone I know. They grow angry with my actions and act out of anger, leaving me nasty messages and calls. The messages and calls I receive everytime I get out of my fast food job- that I hate working because the grease, customers, and coworkers all give me a headache- and choose not to respond to them because I don't even know how to. So I sit in my car, staring at my phone each night, with my keys in the ignition- but my car is off- and I'm just sobbing, and the tears fall onto my phones screen. And I'm crying because I think to look back at pictures when everything was okay. I go back through texts that made me happy, and it just tears me to pieces to the point where I spend a good 20 minutes sobbing in my cold car each night before driving home. When I finally can drive home, I'm really too numb to think about anything, so as soon as I get home I just pull out a bottle of alcohol from my mini fridge that I own- because I'm on my own and don't eat that often- and chug a good amount. An amount that makes me forget just how much I hate being alive. I end up getting a little drunk and passing out on my bed, only to wake up in the middle of the night, smelling like fast food and alcohol, so I go take a hot shower in the middle of the night. When I'm done I flop onto my bed and stare at the ceiling for a while. I think for a while, before going onto old websites, going through old photos on my phone, and basically running down my phones battery. I turn off my phone and realize that it's never going to end. I screwed up. I screwed up in high school once I became an apathetic, depressed child that refused to do their work. I got behind on work and didn't even care. I pushed away friends and family because I couldn't bare the fact that maybe people did care about me. And I just couldn't budge when it came to doing stuff that required me to get out of my house(showered and ready for risks) with my boyfriend. A boy who did really love me. But I just messed up when I couldn't even make an effort to go take risks and hang out with him, and this made him feel like he wasn't getting love in return. So he left. He wanted to be with me, but because i was a stubborn piece of shit, he only assumed I didn't love him. So he did what was easiest and just left. Without telling me. So he wouldn't have to be the bad guy. So he didn't have to see how I handled a breakup. And when I didn't hear anything from him, I just assumed the worse, tried to get in contact but was to no avail. A year later, someone who knew him tells me that he left and was now with someone else. Much happier. I take the news hard and hide in the comfort of my room, thinking about how replaceable and how worthless I am until I realize there is no point in me being on Earth. And there's no point in me living anyway. I would end up in Hell anyway because I'm that terrible of a person. So I make the big decision. I slit my wrist, not being able to hold back the bloodcurdling screams from within my scarred soul. Which prompts neighbors to hear and call for help. I'm rushed to an emergency room, and am left paying hospital bills for something that could've been avoided. And I'm left to think about it nearly everyday for years of my life. It haunts me, reminding me that I couldn't even do the world a favor and rid myself from it. As a 23 year old, I spend my days waking up in the middle of the night- when I do I take my showers and if I don't then I just go unshowered- then laying in my bed- partially spending my time, trying to fall back asleep- on my phone, making myself miserable, some nights igniting breakdowns, before falling asleep or not. I get my attire on and go to work when the time comes, I get bitched at by coworkers and my boss for maybe not doing the job fast enough or efficiently enough, I have a headache by the end of the night, then I walk out of the restraunt full of relief where I'm greeted by notifications on my phone of angry family(maybe even friends) who feel I've abandoned them because I'm a spoiled adult who took everything for granted as a kid, so then I breakdown in the comfort of my car as for mentioned, then I go home where I binge on noodle cups, candies, and alcohol until I crash, then I rinse and repeat...
Shit that really got me feeling emotional ._.
Just for fun I'll do the most realist outcome of my life: I'm 23, and living in an apartment. I just had a child a couple months ago so I'm super tired everyday, but I'm super happy with my kid. My parents come over occasionally to help me out with my child because me and my husband don't know howtheheckyoutakecareofababy, so we just kinda take the chance to go cuddle and take naps while they take care of my kid for us 😈 my brothers also try to help me out, but I usually send them to go out in public and buy things for me, in return I give them permission to buy an item of their own. I facepalm when I see my brothers are still addicted to Dr Pepper, mt dew, and root beer. But I have a family that's not so close but is still there, I have a few friends that I talk to, and I've got a husband and my very own spawn created from the both of us. I've got a job that contributes. Life still has its rough patches, but it has its moments for sure. Everything is much easier. Once I'm out of high school, and in my twenties I have time to figure life out on my own and I don't feel so closely pressured by family members. Of course family won't fully support me in every step I take, because I know there are some things I want to do that family would not nod their head to. But once I'm on my own, I feel that I'll be able to get out and have a breath of fresh air. I'll have some freedom and hopefully develop some sense of independence instead of right now where I look to others for their approval and permission to do certain things. I feel like in seven years I'll be surprised by whatever life brings me. And that's no shocker. Life always shocks me. Bad things happen. Good things happen. And it's always one or the other when I least expect it. And it's weird, thinking forward to answer this question is weird, because I haven't really been able to imagine a future for myself. Thinking like this can stir up such hope...
15. Three Pet Peeves: 1) feet is a no no 2) I need writing to all be the same size and written straight 3) I need my door to be COMPLETELY shut. No alight cracks. If I don't hear the door click I will end your life. Kindly of course 😉
16. Bullet My Day: oh boy.
• woke up at 3 something
• checked my phone
• responded to text on and proceeded to start freaking out about the terrifying dream I woke up from about snakes and rats in my room biting me lol
• went back to sleep at some point
• Mom woke me up
• talked briefly before telling me to go back to bed
• waited until she left then I plugged my nearly dead phone in to charge
• got back in bed/the couch
• woke up later
• got phone
• texted and watched YouTube for good while
• got up to brush teeth and wash my face, I think I did my hair too
• went back to YouTube
• went and ate
• talked to brother for a bit
• watched more YouTube
• drank a lot of tea
• watched YouTube and texted throughout day
• got on Internet
• started doing this
•went on and off putting my phone on the charger
• got more tea, ate, burned my mouth
• talked to my mom
• sent goodnight text then went downstairs to bed
• prayed for everyone 😇 so holy 🙏
• did this
•probably gonna go to sleep right after cause it's nearly midnight
17. A Quote I Try to Live By: "I am not throwing away my shot"~ Hamilton. To be honest, I couldn't think of any quotes I live by. This is a pretty good lyric in a pretty good musical though so why not. You shouldn't throw away your shot.
18. Favorite Color and Why: So I've always been in love with turquoise but recently my favorite color has transitioned to a dark blue color. And I guess it's because it remind me of the night sky. It's not bright and I really like that.
19. Five Fears: 1) Being replaced shortly after split 2) Someone breaking in my house 3) Being kidnapped 4) Being taken advantage of 5) Spiders crawling on me
20. Three Songs That Play While On Shuffle And What I Think: 1) Run by Jasmine Thompson. (Cute. Song makes me want to run away with you know the person I love) Stressed Out by TØP. (I am stressed out. Always I would love to get beat with Josh's drum sticks 😂 send help) Lovely by Billie Eilish. (Depression. This song makes me realize just how cold and lonely you are)
21. My Zodiac And How It Fits: I am a Virgo, and from what I've read, it is very fitting. Virgo's are on the shy side and value things very close to them, so it takes time for them to give into things like love and friendships, but once they have they're totally loyal and they value loyalty in return. They're also bad at asking for help, critical of self and others, which is a yep and a yep.
22. Morning Routine: my morning routine consists of me struggling to get up, getting up and dressed, I brush my teeth, I wash my face, do makeup, then brush my hair, and then I'm pretty much done.
23. A Family Member I Dislike: ._. Um...Father... I didn't even have to think about it...
24. Something I Miss: I really miss the daily naps I would take.
25. Four Weird Traits Of Mine: 1) I can twitch my nose like a bunny 2) I'm double jointed in only two fingers..like wth 3) When I need to talk to people my throat closes up and doesn't let me 🙂 4) I can tense up so much on command that it cause a muscle spasm in my calf lol
26. Things I Would Say To An Ex: uh well I've only got one..and that'd be pretty awkward. I guess like hi how are ya, in the spongebob voice. I don't really know to be honest.
27. What I Wore Today: I totally wore pigtail braids for starters 😇 then a nerdy spongebob shirt and black sweatpants.
28. A Word Or Phrase I Constantly Use: "Can you not"
29. Last Birthday: let's see, my mom got me a ring and earrings for my birthday, my friend got me some chips, my teacher let me have a cookie and a coke as well as stay in his class when there was a club meeting, I got hugs, all in all; a success. I was super grateful for the people in my life afterwards.
30. Something I'm Excited For: Having my own car, being able to go where I want, when I want, and bring who I want.
Welp that's it. Hope you enjoyed, and of course if you want you can save the image and do this yourself. Peace ✌
