Adapted

Charlie's Existential Crisis

Being accepted into Cambridge University has made me an absolute legend at school, for obvious reasons.

I was bombarded with support from many of my schoolmates, including my only two friends, constantly reaffirming that I was a "posh twat." Of course, how could I expect anything less from this quality collection of inbred dickheads? But maybe I was a twat, I was stupid enough to think that after spending almost seven years with the same bunch of angsty teenagers- some of which I'd spent even longer with- maybe there'd be a little bit of respect. Maybe, now that we're almost legal adults, there'd be a little bit of- I don't know- maturity? But no, the bunch of absolute wankers I'd grown up with were doomed to spend the rest of their shitty lives shitting on other people.

"To be fair, you do sound like a bit of a posh twat right now Chez." Niamh flashed her crooked grin as she always did when she wanted to rile me up. As soon as she did I forgot what we were talking about. "You're filled with all that teen angst. Read a horny vampire book, write a fan-fic, get it out of your system, man." She was right, I was filled with a shit ton of teen angst. Not only was I pissed off about everyone taking the piss out of me for getting accepted into one of the best Universities in the country, but I was also, agonisingly, still a virgin. On top of being chronically single and painfully infatuated with one of my best-est friends of eight years.

Niamh crushed her cigarette against the school's brick wall and I readjusted my school blazer to hide the pop-up ad in my trousers. "Are you getting the bus then?"

"Uh, no. Mum's picking me up. Fence broke in the storm last night so mum needs me to help Ewan fix it." Which I already knew meant I would have to fix it whilst Ewan berated me for 'being a fag cuz I don't know how to do anything right.'

"Aye, it was mad last night. My sister's swing set took off, she was raging." Niamh shrugged and we headed down to the school gates to wait for pick-up. I would've rather gotten the bus with her. Then I could have a panic attack whilst sitting next to her and imagining I was asking her out.

Mum pulled up at the school gates pretty quickly, I turned and raised my arm to wave at Niamh but she was busy talking to Mike and Liam- the only two others from Cornwood Village in our year. So I turned back to my mum's Ford focus with my right arm awkwardly dangling in mid-air like a t-rex and slouched into the front seat. Mum immediately began droning on about the fence so I tuned out and focused instead on how pathetic my existence was.

As prone as I was to feeling existential, today just had a way of weighing me down. Maybe it's the fact that nobody cared about my acceptance into Cambridge, maybe it's the fact that Liam spent the hour and a half morning bus route telling me about how he was gonna 'give it' to Niamh before the school year was out. If Niamh heard what he was saying she'd 'give' him something and it would be nothing to brag about.

But maybe it wasn't that. Maybe it was the broken fence and the looming responsibility of having to fix it all the while being slagged off by mum's fuck buddy. Most likely it was all of those things combined.

Mum insisted I have dinner before 'we' start work on the fence, which didn't make Ewan very happy as he'd already told me I had to clear away all remains of the last fence before he would 'help me' put up the new one and because I had school tomorrow morning he knew I'd have to be in bed by at least half ten. Giving me only four hours to clear the garden for him to be able to start work on it tomorrow. I was glad of it though, I was happy I wouldn't have to talk to the knobhead at least tonight. Ewan had a superiority complex when it came to DIY, even though he was pretty shit at it and it gave him anger issues. Plus, being outside alone would probably help me chill out.

That was one good thing about living in the country with no one around you, you had this massive garden and all these cool trees and wildlife just living around you, and at night you could always see the stars and the moon was ten times brighter because there was nothing around to compete with it, and there was no eerie silences, there were always birds, squirrels and foxes making these ambient sounds to keep you company. I'd loved our garden so much that I'd begged my dad to help make me a tree house as a kid. He finally did, right before he left, as an act of defiance against my mum. Trying to prove that he was a good dad, he'd turned the garden shed into a kind of make shift tree house. It had been shit and I was twelve and not really interested in the idea anymore, but after he left I clung to that house as some desperate way of trying to prove he'd been here once, and he'd cared. It had the added bonus of helping me escape from step-dick.