Different

Chapter 31

It's been a month and a half, since V was raped and has died. One of the longest months of my life. Honestly, the first week I didn't go to school. The second one, I cut everyone off, my grades were dropping, because I didn't study, or do any work whatsoever. I didn't really care about school or anything. I just couldn't stop thinking about V, and how it's all my fault. How she would've been much better without me. Not that it matters anymore, since she's freaking dead.

Luke was on the verge of breaking up with me. I didn't sleep at his place anymore, nor go out with him. We barely talked in school, and when school was over I went straight to my dorm, locking myself in and not letting anyone inside. Luke has tried getting in a few times, almost knocking the door down, but he gave up eventually. Sometimes, he would try to catch up with me, but I was quickly in my dorm. In classes, I sat far away from him. His gaze was always on me, but I didn't even notice, nor care. One day, I've had it and I asked him for some space. He agreed but didn't quite stick to it. I saw him creeping around me all the time. We're better now though. I'm better. I still miss her, but I'm feeling better. I started sleeping at Luke's again, going out with him, sitting next to him in class, talking to him.

Jack has tried talking to me but I didn't wanna talk to anyone. I knew he had a hard time too, but at least he was able to talk to people. He was so much stronger than me. It's probably because he knew it's not his fault. The fact that she's dead because of me, is eating me up. I can barely live with myself. If it weren't for Luke and Jack, I'd probably still be locked in my dorm, not doing anything.

Dean too, wanted to talk to me, hang out with me, but Luke then almost beat him up. I didn't have any wishes talking to him though.

And let's not even talk about Dylan. He was so devastated, that he didn't go to school for three weeks. Luke was visiting him alone at first and I joined him after a week or so. His bags under his eyes were so big, you could probably fit a whole wallet in them. He too, is blaming himself for her death. I was angry with him at first for doing that to her, but I decided not to hold any grudges, especially not now. I feel bad for him. Even though he cheated, I think that he really loved her and was just confused, when the girl was seducing him.

It was absolutely horrible, that week. I'm kind of coping with it right now, still going to her grave twice a week. I go alone, since I feel awkward if there's anyone with me.

The dreams are still here. I'm not sleeping, at all. They're getting worse and worse. Now I'm seeing her being raped to.. so that's fun. It breaks my heart, just at the thought of how terrible her last moments on earth were. At least she's at a better place now, not having to live with all the trauma that would come after all this.

They're searching for the guy that did it. That hurt her in a way no one should be hurt. I hope he gets locked up and rots in the cell forever. Damn, I really wish for that to happen. For him to get what he deserves. To die in that cell. To hurt in that cell, like V did. I want him to feel every ounce of pain she did.

"Hey, Em, you okay?" Luke awakens me from my thoughts, by nudging me slightly. We're watching the new episode of Supernatural and eating Doritos. I love these kind of nights. They help me a lot with my stress, especially now. Luke's ribs are much better and so is his leg. I'm happy there weren't any complications.

"Yeah, just thinking," I smile and he shifts, so he's looking at me now. Grabbing my chin, he whispers, "hey, stop beating yourself for it. It's not your fault baby," and with that, he gives me a quick kiss and I smile, nodding. He's being such a sweetheart, and I find it funny, because he used to be such a grumpy guy.

My gaze travels back to the amazing Tv show, I love so much. It's awesome, really, how they've made 12 seasons already, and still have so many viewers and are able to keep it as amazing as it was 12 years ago. It's became a routine; me and Luke watching Sam and Dean fight monsters every Thursday. Then I sleep over. Other days - except weekends, I'm sleeping in my dorm. I haven't yet gotten a new roommate. I must admit, I miss having one. Usually, I'm bored, since I'm all alone in that dorm. Thankfully, Jack is usually there with me, on the days I'm not out with Luke.