(n.) half-shadowed

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i was sketching something on the desk of my science class. it helped me to focus. people were just listening to music from their earphones, drinking energy drinks, chatting with their friends or talking about new couples of the school and used too much 'omg'. i seemed to be the only one interested in the words our teacher told. he didn't give a fuck what the students did. it was their fault if they failed the tests and didn't graduate. i was always willing to know more about things. but guess who was in the same science class as me?

yes. jeongguk. i was getting used to the fact that he's always making out with a new girl every week.

my stupid heart that fell for him. he had only talked to me few times. few words. and the worst part of this: he's probably straight. i don't like to assume people's sexualities, but i've never seen him kissing a boy or being romantic with one. at least he wasn't homophobic. he's friends with yoongi who's dating some boy called..im not sure whats his name. anyways, they're the power couple of our school. no one calls them faggots the way a lots of people call me one. i used to have a relationship with one boy who's older than me and not in this school anymore.

"ppsst!" i heard from behind me. i looked back, and saw yoongi, jeongguk, the girl and the boy yoongi was dating. "hey could you give me my pen, please? i dropped it." yoongis red haired boyfriend asked kindly. all four of them were staring at me. i took the pencil that was under my chair and the boy tried to reach it, stoop up a little and i handed it to him. "thank you!" he said as he sat down. i gave him a little smile, then looked at jeongguk who was still looking at me. i felt weird. my stomach felt weird.

the class ended and everyone packed their bags as fast as possible. after a while i went to the bathroom to wash my hands and to fix my hair and.. what if there was something in my face when jeongguk looked at me? i opened the mens' restroom door and at the exact same time the nice red haired boy and jeongguk were coming out of there. why do i keep seeing them so often this week? not complaining though. "hi!" the red haired boy said. (he gave me jimin vibes.) i smiled at him but my smile dropped when i saw jeongguk looking at me. he looked kinda annoyed. "uhh..hey" i said as i held the door open for them. they walked away without saying anything else. is there really something on my face?

i stood in front of the mirror and looked at myself. there was nothing unusual in my face. am i just that ugly? i didn't feel ugly at all few years ago. my insecurities are a lot worse
this year. i couldn't tell what it was. i just saw something in me i wasn't comfortable with.

(a/n: uhh im sorry if i make typos or grammar mistakes☁️☁️hopefully you can enjoy this shitty ff)