metanoia

Chapter Twelve

I hate hospitals, just like anyone else, but I was getting especially afraid of them now that I had taken my girlfriend to one once a month since I'd known her. I rushed in with quietly giggling and nearly passed out Evie over my shoulder and the woman at the desk recognized us and immediately got Evie into a room.

"How are you, Evangeline?" she asked calmly.

"I'm great!" Evie laughed.

"I see," the desk woman said. "I'm Jane." she said as she turned to me. "What did she do this time?"

"She- I think she took sleeping pills and a whole bottle of ibuprofen or aspirin or something. She drank a ton of vodka." I said, looking down.

"Oh, man. Something must've really set her off. I'll go get Macy." She got up to leave.

The instant the door closed, Evie looked to me and whimpered.

"Michael?" she asked, her voice small.

"Yes, Evie?" I walked over to her bed and held her tiny hand. The scar from her previous attempt had barely started healing.

"I don't want to die." She said, tears in her eyes.

Her pupils were dilated and she couldn't quite focus anywhere but my eyes. She was sweating a little and starting to cry.

"I'm sorry, Evie. You should've thought about that before you drugged yourself. I don't want you to die either." When I said that, she sobbed.

"I don't want to die..." she cried. "I'm not ready... I don't want to die..." I went to sit beside her, and she buried her head in my shoulder and blubbered, "I-I- I don't w-wanna d-d-dieeee!" she started thrashing around after repeating "I don't want to die" over and over. She kicked and screamed and hit things and banged her wrist against the rails on the bed.

"Be still!" I shouted, holding her down to the bed. "Be calm!"

The door opened and the doctor and Macy came in.

"I don't want to fucking die!" Evie shouted, her eyes wild. "I'm not going to fucking die!"

Macy nodded at me, and I released Evie's arms. She thrashed more.

"Evangeline?" The doctor said.

"What?!" she said.

"Tell me how you feel right now."

"I don't wanna die!!" she screamed.

"How do you feel?"

"I can't see straight, my stomach hurts, my mouth tastes awful, I hate myself, I'm going to die, I don't want to die!" She started to cry again.

"You won't die. Macy," the doctor said, scribbling on a pad, "go get the machine. Evie, we're going to try to save you. We can talk later, okay?" Evie nodded sadly.

"Bye, Michael." She said. I leaned down to kiss her.

"I love you." I said.

"Love you more." she replied.

I went outside so I wouldn't have to watch.