metanoia

Chapter Fourteen

Dearest Michael,

Hi, sweetie. How are you? I'm doing okay, I guess. The hospital isn't all that great, although I didn't really expect it to be. They diagnosed me with depression and anorexia, and I'm getting treatment for alcoholism and substance abuse. I'm stuck in my room all the time. They even have to bring me my meals to my room. They say I'll get more freedom the longer I stay. I have absolutely no freedom here as of today. I even eat with plastic forks and knives and I have to write this with marker instead of pens or pencils (sharp objects). I can't even wear underwire bras here, can you believe it? I have to wear a sports bra. I could supposedly pull wires out of a normal one and do you-know-what with them, so I'll be wearing a sports bra for my whole stay. Sorry if my boobs have shrunk by the time I come home. Hopefully you'll still love me? ;)

Anyways, I miss you like hell. They're trying to make me stop drinking and start eating more, and all I can hear while I eat is you whispering in my ear about how beautiful I am, how you did after we had sober sex that one time. When I hear that, I'm not really afraid to gain weight. I feel pretty. I feel beautiful because of you. My love for you makes me the prettiest, happiest girl in the world.

Distance really does make the heart grow fonder. I can't stop thinking about you. Hopefully you'll come see me on one of our visitor days. I'll be out of my room by then. We can have lots of fun and I can introduce you to the nurses and doctors that help me. I love them all, every single one. At first I hated them, hated you, hated Macy, hated the world. I was so upset. I wouldn't speak for three days, I was so mad. But now, I'm starting to accept the fact that I need to be here. I eat, I drink, I take my pills, I draw, and I write. I've drawn all kinds of sketches. You're in almost all of them. You're so fun to draw, Michael. Your features are so perfect, you're the most beautiful human I've ever seen.

I've been doing really well, at least that's what my nurses say. I've started talking with my therapist, even. I tell her all about you. She says you're the best thing that ever happened to me, and I couldn't agree more. We call you a blessing. You're an angel in disguise. She says you saved me in more ways than one. She says I should be very thankful.

*Toy Story alien voice* I am eternally grateful. :)

Love,

Your Princess Evie