don't listen » soonhoon

08

graduation should be a time of celebration, the culmination of years and years of blood, sweat and tears. but jihoon's graduation was rather... bland.

in comparison, jihoon's high school graduation had been one of the best times of his life. soonyoung had convinced him to go on a weekend trip to jeju island, where the two had spent two days in pure freedom and bliss. jihoon vividly remembered soonyoung exclaiming in delight as he ate an ice cream, dragging jihoon around the island to take pictures for the whole day. they had spent a majority of the night outside their hotel room, staring at the stars. soonyoung had jokingly made jihoon call him 'hoshi', saying it meant 'star' in japanese. soonyoung thought it was a really cute nickname. jihoon couldn't really disagree.

now, when jihoon looked at the stars, all he saw were the slanted eyes of his once-best friend. he sat in silence by his window the night after he graduated, looking away intermittently to eat some of the porridge his mother had made him.

his parents wanted to go out to celebrate, but jihoon said he'd rather stay home. he felt bad for his parents - they really did want the best for him, and they wanted him to be happy. but jihoon didn't know how to be happy when the source of his happiness was gone.

he eventually decided to post the song he'd just finish recording onto soundcloud as a somewhat 'graduation gift' for himself. he was beginning to put himself out to the world, and he was ready to start a new chapter in his life.

he'd already posted some miscellaneous covers and beats onto the account, so he already had quite a decent following. within the first few minutes of posting, there were already multiple comments-

Woozi
▶ Don't Listen in Secret

Jun's Armpits at 0:17:
THIS IS SO GOOD WOOZI I LOVE IT!!!!

ARMY|CARAT|MONBEBE at 3:00:
that hiGH NOTE THOUGH!!! I'M LIVING!!!!!!!

Amy at 0:00:
i love it already

user171324 at 0:53:
I have no idea what your saying but I love it

Boo Seungkwan at 2:30:
If you have the time I'd really appreciate it if you listened to my latest cover! Booseungkwan - 내 생에 아름다운 (원곡:k.will)

jihoon smiled. maybe this was a new beginning for him. maybe he could push his past aside and start anew - work towards his dream of becoming a famous producer, and-

hoshi at 1:10:
I'm listening

jihoon froze as his eyes glossed over that comment. hoshi. the stars. the boy jihoon loved.

jihoon needed to find soonyoung. he didn't care whether soonyoung had lied to jihoon and had pursued a secret lover to seoul. he just needed to know where he was. how could he have thought he'd be able to start anew without any closure?

Seventeen seoul. nothing. Seventeen dance group. nothing of value. he'd even searched Kwon Soonyoung before, but...

wait. a new entry.

jihoon nearly dropped his phone. he grabbed his wallet and coat and bounded down the stairs. the only thing he said to his parents before racing out the door was, "i'm going to seoul."

• • •

"can you smile, soonyoung?" a camera was propped up in front of the boy, who was sitting upright in a white bed. someone tried to focus the camera onto soonyoung's face, but ended up zooming in a bit too much.

the boy on camera chuckled slightly. his hair was pitch black, falling softly just over his eyes. it seemed like he needed a haircut. his eyes looked tired, but alert.

"of... course." the boy pulled the ends of his lips up into a smile, but it looked painful. "i'm... ready," he said slowly, with some difficulty, as if there was someone restricting his airways.

"okay, soonyoung. would you like to introduce yourself?" someone asked behind the camera.

"i'm... kwon soonyoung. i'm 22 years... old. i love... to dance."

it was him. it was the boy who gave jihoon a purpose to go outside, to have fun. but it also wasn't him.

"do you know what your disease is called?" the voice prodded gently.

soonyoung laughed, a deep sound in his throat. "it's... a long name. i'll... try." he looked directly at the camera, the small movement seemingly causing pain as he winced slightly. "i suffer from... amyotrophic... lateral sclero...sis."

"that's right," the voice said. "how does it affect you?"

"i... can't move." soonyoung said, a glint of sadness in his eyes. he seemed to want to say more, but the effort would've been too much for him. the video went on to show other patients with the same disease. jihoon turned his phone off.

he cried on the train to seoul. he didn't care what others thought of him anymore.

• • •

the boy had a laptop open, and a song playing into his headphones. he couldn't put the headphones in by himself - he had to ask a nurse for that.

"you must listen to this song. don't listen and pretend you haven't. if you hear my heart, can't you come back to me?"

tears began forming in his eyes, and he wasn't able to wipe them away. all he could do was let them fall down his cheeks onto his lap.

that night, he went to sleep with a song on repeat. a song written by the boy he loved.