The Proper Form of Address

Chapter 4

Archer de Ventro was supposed to be unbearably clever. He'd been told that all of his life. He had no idea what made people say this about him. Because he liked to read? Because he understood the periodic table? He didn't know, but this was what he had concluded about himself: He was an idiot.

"What the fuck," he said around his chattering teeth. "How can it possibly be getting fucking colder? Surely we have reached the limits of the thermometer."

Their mountain yaks were stepping through frozen crusts of snow now. Archer knew it was snow because he'd read about snow in his studies, but he'd never seen it before. He probably would be curious about it, if his brain hadn't been frozen into stupidity. Archer huffed breath that hung in clouds in front of his face, something that had initially fascinated him and was now growing old. He was sure that his fingers were frozen around the reins of his mountain yak, and he didn't even want to think about the state of his toes. And there was the fact that Archer had decided he hated mountain yaks. They smelled. And Archer was an excellent rider, but the mountain yaks were thick and lumbering and useless. They plodded along at an impossibly slow pace.

"Where the fuck is fucking Euphonia?" Trix replied, and Trix normally never swore in his presence, so Archer knew Trix was feeling the effects of his folly as well.

Archer glanced across at her and offered, "I'm sorry."

"For what, sir?"

"If I get us killed out here, being an idiot, who hijacked a mountain yak, and insisted on climbing to Euphonia all on his own."

"Well, you know," said Trix. "It's got style. You do like to do things with flair."

"No, I don't," Archer said. "I'm very dull."

"You have the weirdest idea about yourself, you know," said Trix.

"Is this about how I made a coin appear out of thin air for the The Endians? Because that wasn't actual magic."

"It's just in general," Trix said. "In general, you do unexpected things. Your sister doesn't know what to make of you. You know that, right? That's really why she sent you away. She thought you were unhappy in Jadenvale. She thought you were bored. She thought you wanted an adventure."

Archer would have stopped his mountain yak if he had any control over his mountain yak. As it was, he was pleased he didn't have to direct the mountain yak, because it meant he could gape openly at Trix. "That's not what she said."

Trix shrugged. "She didn't know how to articulate it. I already told you: She has no idea what to make of you."

Archer turned this over in her head. "So she sent me to fucking Euphonia? She couldn't have sent me off on a sea voyage around the world? I would have loved that."

"You probably should have talked to her instead of sulking around the palace, then. Sir," Trix added belatedly.

"Oh, shut up," grumbled Archer, frowning down at the ugly matted brown hair of the mountain yak. Could Trix possibly be right? Had Alex thought he was unhappy?

Then again: Archer had been unhappy, for reasons neither of his sisters could possibly have guessed, reasons that had nothing to do with his location.

Archer was busy contemplating this so he wasn't paying much attention when his mountain yak lost his footing on some ice and tumbling over. Archer managed to throw himself clear, directly into a snowbank. Which was cold—which Archer already was—and wet—which Archer hadn't been and which now made his situation immeasurably worse.

"Fuck," said Archer, sprawled in the snow looking up at the sky. "Fucking mountain yaks. Fucking snow. Fucking Euphonia."

The sky was very, very blue. Archer had never seen a blue like it. It was very, very pale, almost white. He supposed it was because of all the snow all around. He would have to look into this, he thought. Determine the scientific explanation for—

"Are you alright?" Trix asked. "Can you get yourself back up? Or have you broken something?"

"I'm fine," Archer said, and picked himself up and looked at his mountain yak, who'd regained its feet and, displaying more energy than Archer had yet seen, trotted several yards away, regarding Archer and snorting.

"Forget it," Trix said. "Let's share my mountain yak. The beasts are big enough to handle both of us, and we could share body warmth."

"Yes," said Archer. "Good idea. I'm getting in the front so you can warm up my wet back."

Trix wrinkled her nose at him.

Archer said, "I'll double your wages for the trouble."

"How very generous of you, sir."

"I'm taking it out of the Euphonian treasury."

"I assumed."

What do you think? Is Archer foolish to have gone out on his own with Trix on the mountain yak? Let me know!