The Music Producer and the Teacher 3: On Again, Off Again

Chapter 6b

Marissa's POV

I get to Dr. Moore's office a little before four. When I got an appointment for today I was kind of anxious to get here. Usually Marshall would talk to me about my worries and make me realize how silly they are. He's always been good at that. But since were spending time apart, that's not exactly an option.

I can't help but wonder what Marshall and Dr. Moore talked about. I hope he's doing okay. I know it hasn't been that long since I've spoken to him, but it feels like ages. Its barely been twenty-four hours. I know in the end this will help us, and I'm trying to trust the process.

I decide to get out of the car. When I go inside Dr. Moore is waiting with a warm smile as she always is. We walk back to her office, making small talk along the way, then when were both seated the seriousness begins.

"Okay, Marissa. I did get to see Marshall earlier. He came without much resistance"

"That's good. How is he?" I ask, then I look down at the floor, tying to hide the sadness in my face.

"He's doing just fine. You both are. So try not to worry okay? Let's talk about this dream again. It was vivid you say?"

I tell her about the clamminess I felt, how I woke Melissa with my crying, and how I haven't been able to shake it all day.

"Well, again, I think this is your guilt manifesting itself. How is this separation effecting you? How do you feel about it?"

"I guess I'm okay with it. I mean, I wish it didn't come to this. I do miss him a lot and worry about him. But I know he's an adult. He didn't always have me to worry about him so I'm sure he's doing fine." I'm babbling.

Dr.Moore smiles as she makes some notes in her folder. "This time apart is going to be best for the both of you. I want you to remember that. You should also be thinking about whether or not you really want to be with him. I know that sounds harsh, but Marshall seems to be the kind of man who is always going to be a lot of work. He is going to need a lot of reassurance and I don't much see that changing. You're younger than him, so realize that you don't have to settle."

I feel my heart sink a little. Am I settling? I didn't think I was. I really do love him. I think this is something we can get through. I know he messed up, but we all do at some point. These statements kind of give me a tightening in my chest. I take a deep breath in and Dr. Moore continues speaking.

"Can you tell me about your fighting? How does it make you feel?"

"It really stresses me out. All I really want is to trust him again."

"That's the million dollar question huh? How do you get the trust back? 

I ponder this question for a minute. I don't know what he could do any differently. Maybe I just need to get out of  my own head. 

"You know," I begin, "the other night Marshall showed up when I really needed him. He kind of saved my ass from an otherwise horrible fate."

"Oh? You haven't spoken of that. What happened?"

I tell Dr. Moore what happened the other night when Marshall saved me from Shawn and myself really. I don't like thinking about what could have happened to me if not for him.

"That was pretty trustworthy of him you know?" she says finally. "You're very lucky he was there and not still angry about everything going on between you two."

I pause in the silence to realize just that fact. I have seen Marshall angry and spiteful and any other negative emotion you can think of in the past year. He really did try to save his best parts for me. That's something truly special.

"Marissa, I promise this is going to work out. This time apart seems silly now, but it is going to really be beneficial for you both. On your way out of here maybe send him a little message to let him know you're thinking of him, it'll go a long way."

She stands me up to walk me out, I guess my time being up and I didn't hear her say so. I walk out to my car and get inside, taking her advice and texting Marshall.

Then I call Melissa because I'm sure she's wondering where I am. I went from work today straight to this appointment, so I know she's looking for me. I call her and it only rings once.

"'Rissa! There you are! I was beginning to wonder where you were. What are you doing?"

"I called Dr. Moore on my free period and she wanted to see me today. Sorry, I should have told you."

"That's okay. Want to meet somewhere for dinner? I'm starving and don't really want to make anything. We can go to our usual spot."

"Yeah, that sounds good to me. I'm leaving now, so I'll see you there."

You would think the drive to the restaurant would be spent thinking about all the things I've just talked about with Dr. Moore, or about Marshall. While he is always in the back of my mind I can't help but think about how uncomfortable I am. For one, my feet are killing me. I don't know why I insist on wearing heels as an elementary school teacher. It isn't very practical, but I've always loved shoes. While these pink ones are one of my favorite pairs, they're really starting to bother my feet. 

I pull into the parking lot and find a space as close to the front as I can. I reach into the backseat and get my flats I keep just for sore feet like today. I take my heels off and notice my feet look a little puffy. The joints where my toes meet my feet are aching. I didn't even know that could happen. Ignoring everything my body is telling me, I get out of the car and head for the door.