cupid confusion || kim namjoon

Two

It's 2:00 am. After lunch, Namjoon reaches dorm and gets refreshed. He sits on the windowsill and waits for Kimmie. The thought of meeting her makes him nervous, he shakes his head. 'Why Namjoon, why? Don't you think its little too much?' He asks himself and stares out of the window.

He looks at his own reflection in the half open window and remembers the special day. The flashback plays like a movie, as he continues staring into his own eyes.

Kimmie tells him to meet her in the Green Paradise park, one fine evening. Luckily he finds free time to meet her and he can feel the urgency of the meeting. He reaches the park and she waves at him to get his attention. He smiles and walks toward her.

They sit in silence for little longer that Namjoon grows suspicious, "What is it, Kimmie? Is everything alright?" He asks, looking at her. She feebly turns to his side, their eyes meet. Nothing sparks. Namjoon likes her as a new friend, loves her poems but nothing else.

She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. "Namjoon, I wanna talk about something serious. Please, try to take me seriously." She pleads. Namjoon feels uncomfortable as if he's in the principal room or something. He agrees.

"I've listened to your new solo-single last night. That was released yesterday. I'm still working on my Korean skills, that's why it took until 11 am for me to fully understand the lyrics. Thanks to the fan, who uploaded the translated lyrics, within few hours of the release. The lyrics---shocked me." She explains, looking away. He is bemused. He can't reply anything.

She looks at him, "I'd better look into your eyes while speaking, so that you can see the truth in my eyes. The lyrics screamed loneliness! I've been noticing you even before you know me because I am an ARMY. Reason: how I ended up here." She grins. "I always felt like you're lonely despite of everything. I used to think maybe you have too many responsibilities to take, until you make your team to reach a certain height.

"But, after ruling half of the world and all the achievements, you still aren't happier. You are happy, not happier. You are missing something in your life and I think you didn't even know what is it! Do you?" She asks. He's left bare. He can feel the embarrassment filling his veins.

She takes his hand into hers, "Namjoon, I'm sorry. I'm not tryna take too much rights on you and you don't even know me well. But sometimes, the one who doesn't know much about you can say rational things, that might help. Again, I'm not saying that I'm better than you, I'm like a fool who desperately wants to do something good, for someone she cares." She tries to make her point. His muscles relax as his mind calms down. She takes her hand away, consciously.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. I'm just too stunned to talk. I may hide my feelings from anyone but once I see someone is genuinely talking and already understood me before my words? I can't lie. You're right Kimberly. I have this emptiness with me. Obviously I have everything to wake up with gratitude, every day. Honestly, I don't know what's missing. I'm sure it's more than a love story, that's missing in my life." He admits. He feels much lighter as if he can fly like a paper plane. But he isn't happy about it.

Kimmie feels the relief flowing through her. She's glad that he isn't shying away from the truth.

Kimmie remembers the most heartbreaking part of the lyrics:
I know, nobody loves you,
But you can't stop being you,
Your haters are more,
Lovers went sore.
I didn't like you either,
Now you're blended in there,
Where my soul cries,
Until my last tear dries.
I see you in me,
I can call us 'we',
Now I'm giving up hating,
Because it's like hating,
Myself deeply
Instead, I love you feebly.

"That 'you' is loneliness, right? You are talking about loneliness as a person?" Kimmie asks, her voice tightens in her throat. His head snaps up and he's surprised to see tears waiting, in the corner of her eyes.