Utopia

18

I was having another bad day. I was starting to scratch at my arms. Zach would be here any minute and he could calm me down. I just paced back and fourth waiting for him.

"Zachy, come on," I whimpered. I grabbed my phone and called him. It went straight to voicemail. "F-fuck!" I yelled.

I needed to cut so badly. I was drawn to it. I sighed and gave up. I knew I would have a panic attack if I didn't do it.

I grabbed the blade from my dresser and started to slid it across my arms and thighs. It hurt for a few seconds before it was a small sting.

I took a deep breath. I grabbed my towel and started to wipe the beads of blood off. After I was done I hid the blade and towel and threw sweats and a hoodie on.

I called Zach again. It went to voicemail right away. "Zach! I need you pick up!" I called again and he still didn't pick up.

I threw my phone on the ground. "Fuck!" I was scared of doing something way worse than cutting. I felt like I needed to. I've tried so hard to resist the urge. Zach is the only thing that keeps me away from that blade and those pills.

Horrible thoughts ran through my head.

Die,

He doesn't want you, clearly,

Hurry up before he comes in and sees your fat ass alive!

I called Jonah. It rung for a few seconds before it went to voicemail. I called the other two and same thing. "I need you guys!" I started pacing. The blood started to deep through my sleeve. I ignored it. I felt tears sting my cheeks.

I called Zach one last time. It went to voicemail. "Hey baby, I love you so much. This isn't your fault, it just for the better. Tell the others I'll miss them. I just can't keep on going like this. Just, I love you."

I ended the voicemail and walked into my bathroom. I grabbed the pills and a sharp blade. I started the bath because I guess your supposed to. I climbed in and turned the water off.

I grabbed a handful of pills and shoved them into my mouth. I quickly grabbed the blade and slid it deep and fast down my arm. I screamed in pain. My fresh cuts started to bleed again. Please don't wake up. I downed another handful of a different pill.

Slowly the pain subsided. Slowly I felt my lungs stop breathing as heavy. I smiled feeling the peace. Slowly but surely things turned black.

I finally felt happy.