It all started when my crackhead mother found a homeless douchebag in Cracker Barrel. This man is my father. The first time my mother met eyes with him, she fell in love with his manner of eating expired pancake batter from the kitchen. "I think Motu Motu likes u..." said my mums friend. Father stared at her with those cocaine eyes that every pothead gives at love at first sight. My dad sung in his head 🎶 "I LIKE EM BIG. I LIKE EM CHUNKY(chunky)!"🎶 The uber left with her friends while she was looking for her AirPods. "Silly me. It's 1735! We don't even have AirPods yet." she screamed as she looked out of the window to see the car passing. A friendly voice then caught her attention. "Oye con give yas a roid!" My mom turned around to see a sexy beast behind her stiring a cup of root beer with a straw. Mother agreed. On the way home, he didn't even ask for her address. Father then parked the car. "What? I don't live-" said mother in shock. "Shhhh trish." My dad slowly slipped a blindfold on her eyes. He then put her in a dog cage. "How the fuck did he know my name? And "why does this cage smell like diarrhea?" Were some of the thoughts going through my mothers awkwardly shaped head. My dad walked back into the room. "You can't see anything correct?" he said. My mom shook the bars of the cage. "No. Now let me out!" Dad took the blind fold off. "AHHH THATS GOD AWFUL!!!" Said trish. Fathers red, furry body opened up the cage and chucked it across the room. "My names Thànos. Well, that's what you must call me. Nobody needs to know my true identity. Capeech?" My mom quietly whispered ".... o...k." My dad threw trish in a bag and walked her into his crusty bedroom. My mother was shocked... my fathers true identity wasn't thanos. It was...... Elmo.
